Eaten Alive

Unfortunately, we could not keep the momentum going from last night.

Today, my boys in black-and-white coughed it up in the 9th inning after Matt Thornton gave up 5 runs to give the Rays the game. You PUTZ! Don't ever let yourself be outshined by Rays closer, and MLB journeyman Kyle Farnsworth (who I detested even in my youth as a Cubs fan cuz he would choke on the mound all the time). Especially him, cuz he can't aim for shit.
























I'm sure everyone and their cousin has heard by now that the lady himself, Manny Ramirez, will be retiring from baseball. What I don't know if he's leaving baseball immediately, or if he's waiting for the season to end before throwing in the towel once and for all, but it is confirmed that Manny will be leaving baseball. To him I say "good riddance!". You were good with the Red Sox, but if you hadn't started dicking around with Theo Epstein and the Red Sox' upper-management, perhaps the city of Boston would not be as bitter towards you as they are now. Also, you could have helped win them some more championships, and I would have a better impression of you. Also, using steroids damaged your reputation, as I now think of a set of DD boobs whenever I see you with your disgusting dreadlocks on TV.
























The big question regarding Manny's retiring is what to make of his legacy. I say, his career followed the arc of a home run. He started off slow, shot to the top, stayed there, but had to come down and eventually crashed into somebody's beer and nachos. Getting caught with female pregnancy hormones in his system really did a number on his career, both as a player, and socially cuz it turned him into a national punchline.























Before I sign off on this post, I'd like to post a funny video I saw on Terez Owens. I could give a summary of the video, but then you wouldn't want to watch it. I want you to watch this video. It's not lifesaving, but it's funny nonetheless.


 


Tomorrow is game 3 against the Rays. Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

News News News

I'm baaacccckkkkkk!!!! Guess you know what my New Years resolution is gonna be (hint: it involves spending more time blogging about the Sox).





















Oh what a chaotic year its been. We brought in the disgustingly-dreadlocked Manny Ramirez in the second half of the season, and he was meh. We also did rather substandard (though not as bad as KC, Detroit, and Cleveland. Those guys REALLYsucked balls!). If there is a good sign in the end of this season, its that we finished in second place as opposed to last (*ahem* KC). Also, the Twins got wiped out of the playoffs in the first round, so that was some comfort and joy to us beleaguered Sox fans.





















The offseason has been a rather busy one by any standard. When GM Kenny sees a player he likes, he wastes no time in getting the said player to come and sign with the Sox.

Take Adam Dunn, our most high-profile signing this offseason. Though he is known for his tater-mashing [basically, he hits alot of home runs], I was not sure if signing him was a good idea because Dunn can't play. He used to be a first baseman, but now all he can do is DH. The Sox already had 3 DHs (does the term "musical DH" sound familiar?), so I questioned Kenny's wisdom in acquiring another one. How useful Dunn is to us this year remains to be seen.
























We also got rid of that fat dustmop, Bobby Jenks.



















From what I'd been able to gather about the Sox, Jenks was really starting to stink up the place. Plus, he and Ozzie were engaged in a bitch-fight, both in person and on Twitter. I don't blame Ozzie for wanting him out. My manager's got already a difficult job to do, and he doesn't need a smartass harping on him all the time. If Ozzie wanted to hear harpies, he's got his kid's Twitter feed to follow.





























In a bit of joyous news, my beloved Carlos Quentin got re-signed by the Sox.




















$5.05 million for one more year, just avoiding arbitration. Also, one more year of me seeing my favorite player on my favorite team.

Also re-signed: Miracle Man John Danks ($6 million) and Tony Pena ($1.6 million)




























In a bit of non Sox-related news: MLB's favorite shit-on-a-stick, Milton Bradley got arrested on a felony charge.

























Apparently, he threatened some woman out in CA. Last I checked, Bradley is scheduled to be in court on Feb. 8. Given Bradley's psychotic personality and colorful history in baseball, I'm pretty sure he's kissed his entire MLB career goodbye.

Before I sign off on today's post, I would like to have a final say about the recent tragedy that took place in my city of Tucson, AZ, in which a deranged, drug-addicted young man opened fire on a crowd of people who had gathered in a grocery store parking lot to meet a local congresswoman. 20 people were injured, including the congresswoman (Gabrielle Giffords), and six people died, including a nine-year old girl. I mention the nine-year old girl, named Christina Taylor Green, because she had a connection to baseball, the sport I love so much. As it turns out, her grandfather, Dallas Green, was a manager for the Philadelphia Phillies and led them to a World Series victory in 1980. Christina Green's father was a scout for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the young girl herself played on the local Little League team out here in Tucson. What happened a week ago on Saturday was truly a tragic incident. May all those affected by this tragedy find ways to heal and overcome the pain from this incident.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now Finale

the finale

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now Finale

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 7

krazy kanye strikes again!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 7

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 6

manny proves his handiness in part 6 of this adventure

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 6

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 5

manny, you are utterly retarded!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 5

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

come along with manny and jim as they continue their journey to reunite the 1997 cleveland indians in LA!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 3

more fun with manny and jim

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 3

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

more shenanigans from manny and jim thome!

featuring guest appearances from orel hersheiser and our favorite fatso, bartolo colon!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

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tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

manny and JI JIM THOME team up to win the world series!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

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tamtam

crucial updates

despite my long absence, there are some crucial updates to be made:

1. i have been granted an opportunity to contribute to a popular baseball blog. the editors of "more hardball", gm_carson and burton, have invited me to contribute articles to their blog. since theirs is an all-around baseball blog, i can't do the in-depth analysis of my white sox that i normally engage in over here at cell's bells. however, i can contribute some of my more quirky items, like "the dugout" (which hasn't been working since i've returned from vacation), and random quotes by my loudmouth manager ozzie, the latter of which should prove useful talking materials.

my point is, do not fear that i will abandon cell's bells. i will continue to post enteries here, but now you can catch me elsewhere.

2. the entire reason for this blog's existance: THE WHITE SOX!!! i've all but neglected them!

things have not been well for my boys in black-and-white as of late. they played well against the angels while i was in CA, but upon arriving home, things just dropped off. though john danks pitched the game of his career against seattle on tuesday, and got the win, but they split the series with the mariners. today, they played the As. contreras was due to pitch today, and did, but blew a 6-run lead. last i checked the As and sox were tied at 7 in the bottom of the 8th. since mark kotsay used to play for the As, i wonder if they gave him a happy homecoming.

in light of jose contreras' return to rock-bottom, i wonder when diva jake peavy is due to begin pitching for us...

thats all for now. i returned an hour ago from the dodgers-diamondbacks game here in AZ. d-backs won and dan haren pitched very well. so well, he had the balls to hit andre ethier with manny ramirez coming up in the 7th. both men got out. the snakes lit up starter clayton kershaw in the 2nd, putting on 4 straight runs. if they'd scored 2 more, the taco bells down here in AZ would have given away 3 free tacos with the purchase of a large drink and showing your ticket stub. but alas it was not to be. you could smell the tacos, but the taco bell was closed :(.

as for that diva manny, chase field got especially noisy when he came up to bat. i booed, LA fans cheered. its a damn shame manny had to get busted for taking HCG, cuz i really think he would have looked nice with the boobs he aquired from using that hormone. it would work well with his disgusting dreadlocks.

and despite the obnoxiousness of dodger fans, todays game was a reminder as to why i love baseball so much. there was great pitching, spectacular catches, a defense that knew what it was doing, steals that required balls of steel to pull off, a charged atmosphere, and the fans behaved themselves for the most part.

thats all for tonight.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

the week in review

dearest reader(s),

im so sorry that i haven't been able to write about my boys in black-and-white. its just that this week, i started working at a greek nursing home (currently, its just volunteering, but that could soon change since my supervisor told me about a program that pays you for volunteering). i work everyday for about 4 hours, just babysitting old people. its not too bad, i just help the aides with activities and shuffling the farts around. my only problem is that i dont speak greek, and while i've picked up a few words (they call me "kuklamu", which means "doll"-or "sweetheart", and i also learned "ela" which means "come"), im largely clueless as to what is being said when greek is spoken.

consequently, i havent been able to watch baseball AT ALL this week. but since tonight's game is on cable, and i dont work today, i will do a recap of the week.

last weekend and into monday, the detroit tigers came to town. and with them, former sock and communist shemale magglio ordonez (at least thats what the sports gossip forums say) returned to face his old manager whom he disputed with at the end of his season with the sox. magglio also got a haircut (finally), but the sox won that series.

on tuesday, the dodgers came to chicago for 3 games. after dropping game 1 to the dodgers, the sox managed to win the last 2. game 2 was a blowout, and game three was much closer, but it was a last-minute victory for the sox after jim thome (who's been on a hot streak) hit an RBI to win it. aside from beating the best team in baseball, ozzie guillen blew some steam at the team for their lackluster offense in his usual postgame press conference.

yesterday, the cubs came to the cell. the newly-revamped jose contreras was pitching and although he gave up 3 runs, he had 8Ks-which is pretty good any day. the sox almost came back to win it in the 8th, but the cubs pitchers shut them down.

and in other news, the fucktard milton bradley is in trouble-again. after popping out in the 6th, bradley threw a terrible tantrum in the dugout-throwing his helmet and destroying a water cooler (perhaps channeling zambrano and dempster's reactions to bad outings), prompting equally-hotheaded manager, lou pinella to send him home. though i dont care for the cubs 1 way or another, me and just about every sports reporter in the city thinks it was a bad idea for the cubs to sign this douchebag. looks like it's gonna be another lackluster year for this guy.

to the west coast: manny is almost ready to return. he would have returned on wednesday, but a storm delayed the game, and subsequently his return. in the words of conan o'brian, "manny will now soon be the first player to hit for the menstrual cycle" (get it-he used female fertility drugs...)

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

pain in the ass

before i write my daily white sox post-game analysis, id like to give a big hearty HOORAAAYYYY!!! for my fellow sports-blogger associates gm-carson and burton over at more hardball. they've been gone for a week and just when i thought they'd abandoned more hardball, they came back and posted a new entry (they said it was technical problems). well its about damn time you guys came back! i was starting to think you'd forgotten about kicking baseball's top stories squarely in the nuts! (aside from whats going on with the phillies)

and now, to business.

SOX WIN!! SOX WIN!! the miracle man john danks got right back in form with a career high 10ks and 1 run on 4 hits.

my boy carlos had a pretty good day too. he drove in 1 run on an RBI-double, hit a second double, and scored twice-1st when jd hit a double that brought my boy home, and the second time was when paulie hit a sac-fly that sent my boy nearly plastering the rangers catcher jerrod 'salty' saltalamacchia at home plate (though my boy had to retouch home plate cuz the ref wasnt paying attention when he slid home the 1st time around). he also got hit by a pitch-yet again. i tell ya, either he should have a special uniform with a target painted on it or change his stance cuz there are better ways to take 1 for the team, most of which do not include being a masochist!!














aside from my boy, our game was shaky. we had the lead twice, and then we lost it. but the rangers were only able to tie the score, never get ahead.

but the highlight of the game was at the end when the great bobby jenks came on to get the save. after striking out the 1st 2 batters, bobby let his 1st pitch fly at ian kinsler's ass. he wasnt hit, but the ref came out to warn bobby, and hawk (our announcer) almost had a heart attack in the booth because he was so mad and yelling at the ref. as i was cruising the forums at southside sox for any other postgame analysis, i duely noted that someone wrote in regards to bobby's beaning that "they better get the diffribullators (sp?) ready in the broadcast booth!" because hawk was so pissed. but hawk wasnt alone; i and the rest of white sox nation were equally angry and thought that the ref was being harsh cuz pitchers are typically warned when they intentionally bean batters. even ozzie came out to argue (it was his 2nd time out to argue with the refs. the 1st arguement was about my boy's slide home), and since i saw this ref had a short fuse, i thought for sure ozzie was gonna get tossed. but thankfully everyone's temper was in control, and nobody got tossed.

tomorrow, that fat tub-o-lard bartolo colon gets the call to start. the rangers starter is vicente padilla, and i hear he's pretty good. but today's win should give us the momentum to win this series-especially since we have a more mediocre pitcher on the mound then jose contreras!

ibis, get the air fresheners ready and stock up on laundry detergent. this could be a long one.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

0-5

that sad number you see in the title is now officially jose contreras' record. he may as well have played his last start in the majors. if he's not demoted within the next week, kenny williams should expect to be swamped with angry emails and letters from fans who want contreras' sorry ass outta the bullpen. its time for this man to go.

ibis guillen can do a fresh load of laundry for ozzie tonight. the momentum from our big win last night had completely turned around. last night, we were doin the kicking. tonight, we were on the recieving end of the abuse.

tomorrow, game 3 will be broadcast on WGN at 5 my time. the miracle man john danks gets the call to start.

in other news, i had my economics final today. i think it went well. my next finals are thankfully my last ones, and they're on tuesday.

OH!! i almost forgot!! here's a correction from yesterday's post! yesterday, when diva manny got busted for hcg, i made a mistake in describing the drug's function. as im sure you all have heard by now, its a female fertility hormone, not a testosterone enhancer like i'd said previously. well, i guess it could be classified as a testosterone enhancer cuz its typically given to men to restore their natural testosterone production after they're done taking steroids. but in this light, for the sake of decency, i'll hold off on the cheesy jokes that manny will start growing boobs and get a period within the next month or so (although i wont be surprised if he has developed either up to this point-he certainly acts hormonal!!!), or the snide jokes about manny not being able to get it up in the sack. being the honest blogger-journalist that i am, if i make a mistake, i'll actually take the steps to correct it.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

streaking

hey hey!

last night's game was rained out. no surprise there-the sox are a magnet for rain delays and games getting called cuz of bad weather (i think we lead MLB in the number of games called due to bad weather).

but today, it appears that an extra day was all we needed to retool and get back in the swing of things. mark buehrle got the call to start tonight, and as im seeing on whitesox.com, its in the 9th and the sox are ahead 6-0. mark buehrle is set to pitch his 1st complete game of the season :).

actually, scratch that last line. this just cleared the wireless and that the great bobby jenks has come on the get the save.

steve rosenbloom, a chicago sports writer who writes satirical columns about chicago sports, wrote that since ozzie guillen came to chicago, when the team is in a slump (especially early in the season), we have become accustomed to raging expletive-filled tirades directed at players, coaches, the media, whatever unfortunate soul happens to get caught in ozzie's way. but this year, rosenbloom wrote that ozzie lobbed a verbal handgrenade into the locker room-the stage has been set, but the pin and handle havent been pulled off yet and thus no explosion. the guys at south side sox have been speculating that ozzie has gone soft-looks like mariotti finally had a muzzle put on our crazy manager (a chicago sportswriter who was infamously called a "fag" in a tirade by ozzie).

breaking news! sox win 6-0!! THE LOSING STREAK IS OVER!!!! let the winning streak begin :).

now for something not-white sox related. its been spread and digested allover the news and blogosphere that manny ramirez, LA's diva has been suspended for 50 games for popping positive on a drug test. the substance: hcg, a testosterone enhancer. of course, i wasnt surprised cuz im a natural cynic and figured manny was secretly juicing but found a way to beat the test. looking back on it, it could be a factor in explaining why the dodgers didnt sign manny to a long-term deal. manny claims that he got the stuff from a doctor for a "personal health issue", but as rythm on south side sox humorously commented:

I have a few guesses as to this "personal health issue"
1) he was prescribed medical marajuana

2) he was having problems in the sack, and the boner pills tested positive for something

given that hcg is a testosterone enhancer, the latter doesnt sound all that far off.

sox win, gotta get back to studying. economics final tomorrow, and my calc/bio final on tuesday. wish me luck!!

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam