Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ozzie in Color

Here's a bit of a shocker!

After coming back to the bunker from a long day in the labs, I turned on the ALCS (Angels currently ahead 7-6 in the top of the 8th), and sat down in front of my computer with a bag of popcorn to catch up on tonight's headlines when I came across this story on "big league stew".

It appears that Fox has hired my crazy manager Ozzie Guillen to do color commentary alongside Ma and Pa themselves, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Though I don't mind Joe Buck, Tim McCarver can be a bit irritating. And now there's my crazy manager to add some actual life into the broadcasting!

This could prove to be an interesting experiment. Most of America has never heard my manager speak. His thick Spanish accent could cause some losses in translation for mainstream ears. Also, most people don't know how foul-mouthed my manager is. Those of us in Chicago, as well as some sports fans know, but not everyone is a sports fan and not everyone cares about my home city, so this could be the equivalent of a rude awakening for some fans. But I think this is a good thing-it would certainly bring the ratings up.

Either 'Duk (the writer of "big league stew") or one of his commenters said that as soon as the Series is underway, Ozzie will be making comments like "I wish I had Ryan Howard playing first base for me" and stuff like that which will translate into slights against the Sox. Well, if that's the case, it's the problem of a zealous sportswriter. Other than that, when the teams mess up on something, Ozzie might unleash one of his notorious tirades and say things that are not suitable for public consumption. Be prepared for alot of "bleeps" and "technical difficulties" that take place during a trademark Guillen tirade.

But I wish my manager the best. Maybe he's found himself a new post-season job that doesn't involve calling out players for their shortfalls.

Just fresh off the TV: Angels win game 5 of the ALCS 7-6 over the Yankees! Brian Fuentes, the Angel's closer bumped off the first 2 he faced in the 9th, but couldn't find the strike zone later on and loaded up the bases. Fortunately, he got the late Nick Swisher (wonder what Ozzie will say about him if the Yankees win on Saturday night and progress to the World Series) to pop up.

I'm rooting for the Angels. I'm sick of seeing the Yankees in the post-season.

Go Angels! 2 more games to go! If the Marlins could do it in 2003, so can you guys!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Podsie-Pan's Dear John Letter

Well, our season has thankfully come to an end. To be honest, I'd all but stopped watching baseball b/c school was getting more and more demanding, and the Sox started to suck so bad.

But at least the Twinkies blew up the Metrodome. We never had much luck up there in that infernal dome.

Now to the story of the day. Written by the authors at southside sox, is Scott Podsednik's "Dear John" letter. As we all know, the "Dear John" letter is a letter given by someone to their significant other, stating that the relationship didn't work out for various reasons.

Podsie, this one's for you.

Dear Scott --

I know we usually call you 'Scotty Pods' or 'Peter Pan' or some other cute nickname like that, but we didn't feel it was appropriate for a letter of such importance.

This is gonna be hard for us to say. I mean we really like you... even if you do get on our nerves with all your poor defensive routes and frustratingly inept baserunning blunders. But, well, we just don't want you to be one of our starting outfielders next year, and we could never picture a future for the White Sox with you in the DH role. It would be terrible if we let a little thing like a few million dollars, a few hundred at-bats and starting position come between us. We knew you would understand. You always do.

You've always been there for us, and we love you for that. Remember when Bobby blew the lead in game 2 and you bitchmade Brad Lidge? or just this season when we were feeling down, and didn't have a single outfielder who could field the ball and hold his own at the plate for any extended period of time? You were there for us, and it means the world to us. Really, it does. I don't think we could ever truly express what our time together has meant to us.

But there comes a time in every relationship when you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself 'Where is this going? Is there really any future for us?' Unfortunately, we just don't think of you that way. We're sorry. At this point in our relationship, we're just looking for different things. We want a championship contender and you want playing time and a place in our starting lineup; those two objectives would seem to be mutually exclusive.

You can still be our 4th outfielder. You really are the best 4th outfielder we've ever had, and we'd hate to lose that, especially over a silly thing like playing time.

Your stutter step will always make us smile. You're grindy and all the girls think you're cute. You should have no trouble finding yourself another team. But please know we will always be here, willing to give you a minor league contract and a non-roster invite.

Your Biggest Fans

And in other news, the late Dewayne Wise opted for free agency. Don't expect him back next year. As for the late great Jim Thome, his dodgers are down 2 games to the Phillies (and getting ass-raped 11-0 by the Phillies last night didn't exactly help either). Though I'd like to see the Phillies kick the Yankees' asses in the World Series (despite my hopes that the Angels will hold out and at least take one game), I would prefer to see Jim Thome get to the World Series. The man is long overdue for a ring.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

crucial updates

hi everyone!

it's been a while since i've written last, but i've been busy with class.

so lets see, whats been going on in white sox nation...well, diva jake peavy finally got around to starting for us. he did good, but unfortunately, it was too little too late. yeah, my white sox are completely eliminated for any hopes of playoff contention. what a dismal season indeed.

but because its not over till its over, we can still have a decision over who can clinch the AL central. as of yesterday, it looks like detroit is gonna win the AL central. its a damn shame, but given our underperformance this year, the punishment is more than fitting for our lack of effort.

in a weekly post on my other site, more hardball, there came the stunning revelation about 2 weeks ago that my GM kenny williams had given not just himself, but also all the coaches on our staff, contract extensions. now, if we'd had a good year, i would be ok with it. but since we had a crappy year, white sox nation is looking at kenny like he's bonkers. earlier in the year, he threw jim thome and jose contreras under the bus (and out to the NL west), with paul konerko, JD, and the dustmop soon to follow. isn't it common sense that rewarding failure breeds more failure? someone better tell kenny that there's no bailout coming from obama, even though he and kenny are BFFs. besides, most of our coaches have been with us since 2005 and are past their expiration dates. some fresh blood wouldn't be a bad idea.

and in other news, obama has flown to copenhagen on our tab to appeal to attempt to bring the 2016 olympics to chicago, only to be bitch-slapped by the olympic committee and denied. though i am from chicago, i am quite overjoyed at our failure because it is no more than a giant payoff for the daley cronies and union thugs.

thats it for now.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Friday, September 18, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 6

manny proves his handiness in part 6 of this adventure

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 6

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Sunday, September 13, 2009


it's been a while since i've actually written anything ABOUT the white sox! all i've been doing is posting links from the dugout because i'm too busy with school to watch baseball ;_;.

well, despite a few swept series and some recent wins, my boys in black and white are a full 6 games back of the tigers and still in 3rd place. we were up to 2nd place at one point, but then we blew it out our asses on a grueling road trip. but, we're not technically mathematically eliminated just yet. if the math geniuses at south side sox are right, we still have a chance to get to the post season. it's very slim and shrinking fast, but it's there and it's up to us to reach it.

all we have to do now is WIN!!! just WIN!! sweep anyone and everyone who comes our way, but find a way to win! otherwise, we'll just fall back into mediocrity, much like poor saleri in "amadeus". then, kenny's got alot of explaining to do.

our pitchers have to get better. so do our hitters and fielders cuz nobody can hit or catch anymore! john danks needs to find out what's wrong with his finger and get it fixed! mark buehrle, our lone ace, has lost his magic touch and has become mediocre once more. pretty boy gordon beckham hurt himself and is useless, and though my boy is still kicking, he's gotta pull himself together or else he is toast. carlos, superglue your bones together and wrap yourself up in bubblewrap between innings if you have to! also, i'd get rid of that fat dustmop bobby jenks. his arm has failed him this year. as for our new aquisition, diva jake peavy, this guy better prove to kenny and the rest of white sox nation that he's worth all the trouble it took to get him.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

come along with manny and jim as they continue their journey to reunite the 1997 cleveland indians in LA!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

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Friday, September 4, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

more shenanigans from manny and jim thome!

featuring guest appearances from orel hersheiser and our favorite fatso, bartolo colon!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

crazy ozzie

here's a comic i drew a year ago, but only now do i have access to a scanner, so here it is. i drew it in honor of a chicago sports cartoonist named carl skanberg, of whose "palehose" comic series i am a fan of.

sorry if the last image is too small. it's the front page of the chicago tribune, with ozzie being quotes as saying "guillen: mariotti is a f@g!"


The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

manny and JI JIM THOME team up to win the world series!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

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Monday, August 31, 2009

bye bye jim and jose

the things coming out of my manager, kenny williams' head are getting crazier and crazier! someone oughtta start my GM back on his anti-OCD pills!

first, he practically ripped up the system to get diva jake peavy (who's now on the DL with elbow problems-nice going kenny!), then he got alex rios and mark kotsay, now in perhaps the biggest shocker of the year, jose contreras gets traded to the rockies, and



(if you read my "dugout" links that i post up here, that is how jim thome announces his arrival at the chatroom)

got traded to the los angeles dodgers! yes, you read that right! big jim thome has gone to LA. since LA is obviously gonna make the playoffs, big jim's chance of getting a world series ring before he retires is greater out there than back here in chi-town. what the dodgers plan to do with jim, since he's too old to really do anything, remains to be seen. i wasn't too surprised about contreras leaving, since he's pretty much done for, but i was shocked that jim would leave us.

in light of this shocking trade, i'd like to say thank you to jim and jose. though you've both seen better days, i'd like to thank you for your years of service and may you find success in your new cities of employment.

in a fitting tribute on southside sox, user madopal had this to say:



and in reply, user boejouma replied:

to all of our hearts

goodbye everyone. ps-sox lose yet again. we're now 6 games back. what a miserable season this turned out to be.

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

psychology and the chicago white sox.

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

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Sunday, August 30, 2009

2010 pie

fresh from southside sox. this little ditty (ripped off from "american pie") pretty much sums up our whole season

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember How spring training used to make me smile.
And I knew the boys had a chance
To make it to the Autumn Dance
And, maybe, stick around for a while.

But late August made me shiver
With every loss they delivered.
Bad news on the front page;
No more hope at this stage.
I laughed so hard I almost cried
When I read the dumb shit about pride,
Turned off the games and went outside
The day the season died.

So bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye.
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Did you think we'd rise above,
And did you have faith in Fields' glove,
Because Cora tells you so?
Do you believe who they put out,
Goggles, The Bridge, all those shut outs,
And poor Q! limping off the field real slow?

Well, there was the Colon experiment,
We all know how awesome that went.
Him and the Count just shat the bed,
How many innings will DJ get?

We called up a Georgia broncin buck
Tore the stitches off after initial suck,
But even He couldn't save this clusterfuck
The day the season died.

I started singin "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Now last year we got the Central crown
Stood to repeat since the rest are down,
But it just wasn't meant to be.
When you trot out Gobble, Broadway, and Nessie,
Plus Linebrink shits bricks for all to see,
At least there was perfection from Buehrle...

Oh, and then The Ace got knocked around,
After another seventeen sat down.
Danks' shakiness returned,
Was shutdown or got burned.
And while Floyd's been solid down the stretch,
There were points where he'd make you wretch,
Wise ensured legacy with The Catch.
But still, the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Defense melted in a summer swelter,
Bullpen giving up bombs; better seek shelter,
Just two back then falling fast.
Last games on dome's fake-ass grass
The old guys tried for one last gasp,
People shout to stop living in the past.

Now the trade deadline was taken shrewd,
We locked up Peavy and that Rios dude.
We want to go to The Dance,
Oh, but we screw up every chance!
'cause the facepalm lineups take the field;
Runners the pitching would always yield.
Errors galore, their fate was sealed.
The day the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Oh, for the day they were in first place,
Instead of Pods out there with bad breaks
With no time left to start again.
So come on: Pods be nimble, Pods be quick!
Pods picked off like a dumb prick
Cause the devil's gonna collect, my friend.

Oh, and Ozzie kept Alex in a cage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No snowball's chance in hell
Could break the doghouse spell.
And as Sox fans argue into the night
About when Peavy's start is right,
The offense loses all its fight
The day the season died.

They were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Next year we'll get a healthy Q!,
A Savior with less defense miscues,
Some contracts will be turned away.
A shakeup in the lineup core
Can't play the same guys as years before,
No sense paying them for declining play.

And on the nets: commenters screamed,
The kittehs cried, dumb statements reamed.
The right rail was a joke and
"No subject lines" verboten.
And the one guy that I like most:
Sat at home, bored, career is toast.
Sign Frank so he ends as a Pale Hose
Now that the season's died.

And we'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

We'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

indeed, what a miserable season it was.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Dugout: Jim Passes Reggie

our favorite chatman jim "wordupthome" thome surpasses reggie jackson on the home run list! more to come on this later!

in the meantime, enjoy the dugout

The Dugout: Jim Passes Reggie

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

why your stadium sucks-US cellular field edition

here's an amusing article i found on deadspin. in a weekly segment called "why your stadium sucks", the writers review a different baseball team stadium and rip it to shreds. this week's victim was safeco field, but looking in the past entries dug up an entry about the cell!

so here it is: why US cellular field sucks.

Hard Cell: U.S. Cellular Field is the hideous ransom paid to the White Sox after they spent the late 1980s threatening to hie themselves to St. Petersburg. This was deemed a fate too awful to imagine — the franchise had been in Chicago since 1901, after all — even though it's in the natural order of things for cranky 80-year-old nuisances to slink off to some godforsaken spot in South Florida where they can be safely ignored. In any event, the taxpayers gave the White Sox their lame Royals Stadium ripoff, the last ballpark built before the retro craze and certainly the last time anyone thought the Royals a franchise worth imitating. In fairness, the stadium did feature several design innovations, chief among them the decision to place the farthest reaches of the upper decks somewhere near Aurora. No one much liked the place, which is why it has been in a constant state of self-mutilation from the moment the Sox snipped the ribbon. A vast five-stage overhaul began in 2001, when the stadium was 10 — 10 — years old. The White Sox: baseball's cutters.

Shining Armour: In 1989, as the White Sox mulled various stadium proposals, a Chicago architect named Philip Bess drew up plans for a ballpark in the spirit of what he called, in his book City Baseball Magic, "pragmatic idealism." The design of Armour Field was "governed by a concern that it be a genuinely urban building, constrained by its block, with an architectural presence, scale, and monumentality befitting its status as a public building," a true neighborhood ballpark. It was a wonderful proposal and looks even better today, after two decades of downtown baseball nostalgia palaces. "Camden Yards, Jacobs Field, and Pac-Bell are not 'neighborhood ballparks,' but rather 'downtown ballparks,'" he told one interviewer. "Many people in our culture have stopped thinking of cities as good and desirable places where people live as well as work, shop, and play. Instead, they think of cities as 'entertainment zones,' and of stadiums as 'anchors' for downtown entertainment zones. The goal has been to replace the tax revenues lost by the flight of middle class families from cities, to use public dollars to finance new ballparks in an effort to keep municipal services and governments afloat. But this seems to me a short-sighted solution. Better to make cities themselves livable again; and well designed smaller-scaled neighborhood ballparks can be a legitimate part of that strategy, and make money for team owners at the same time."

What happened next was everything Bess had sought to avoid. New Comiskey was thrown up in 1991, a suburban stadium dropped into an urban setting, uprooting 250 households, disrupting the street system, turning the old Comiskey Park into a parking lot and more or less gutting the old neighborhood of Armour Square. It's not clear if the White Sox ever seriously considered Bess' proposal. My guess is Jerry Reinsdorf took one look at a rendering and laughed himself out onto 35th Street. Bess never really had a chance, anyway. As Charles C. Euchner has written, the architect's proposal would've removed the buffer zone — a park — between black Armour Square and white Bridgeport, a politically influential neighborhood that has been home to five Chicago mayors, including the current one, Richard M. Daley. The Bridgeporters never would have allowed it, and so the ballpark that sprang up across from old Comiskey was, in many ways, a tribute to the characteristics of its surroundings: small-minded, hostile and all about clout. That, in Chicago, is a true neighborhood park.

The view from the stands (everything sic'd):

"'The Joan' (labeled by a few after the horrendous Joan Cusack ad campaign put together by US Cellular in 2004) features a lower section, box seating and a top tier which has rarely ever been filled. About two months ago I watched as a young man fingered his girlfriend in the left field seats. Both were wearing jean shorts. Classy. Worst physical issue with the park: The top tier was designed by the same deity who created Mt. Everest. As you climb the staircase into the stratosphere just keep your eyes on the prize ahead of you, otherwise you might start to feel nauseous. Which reminds me of this story about the steepness of the park ... Rangers V White Sox 2005: Garland is pitching for his life while a girl who just turned 21 is getting puh-lastered four rows behind me. Her screeching is almost unbearable but when the game is finished one man was brave enough to give her a high five only to deke her out at the last second, causing her to fall over thee rows of chairs and come crashing into our backs. The end result was a boobie prize. Her tit popped out and she left the stadium in tears. I masturbated for days. Oh yes, did I mention the jean shorts? If you ask nicely I will email you my set of jean shorts around US Cellular Field. Believe me ... you're going to want these." (Jim O.)

"It's the 2007 season, I'm a White Sox season ticket holder in the upper deck. It's a Sunday night game for ESPN, 3rd inning or so, and we let some people returning to their seats pass by our group. One of the passing fans accidentally dribbles a couple drops of beer on the middle aged woman in the row in front of her. The woman turns around, and chucks an entire full cup of Miller Lite on me. I know it's Miller Lite because I could taste it, that's how much it was. Not knowing what happened, I assumed I spilled my own on myself (notice the theme here...drinking). This woman the whole game is hammering down beers as if Prohibition goes into effect the next day. At the end of the game, the woman leaves her email address on her ticket and mentions she is sorry for throwing a beer at me and I should email her for her tickets to a game later in the season. The email address ended in ''. Noticing she is far too old to be a student at The University of Chicago, I researched the name and address via Google to see if she was faculty. Not only was she faculty, she was a dean of students. Only in Illinois would this bribe be acceptable, Blago would have been proud." (Mark M.)

"white sox fans know their baseball. and any good white sox fan knows that most of the fans are rarely intelligent enough to find their own seat. during a 2008 indians/sox game, my friend and i took our nosebleed seats behind first base. a mother and her two bratty kids were sitting around two rows behind me, and the young boy-i think-was screaming his head off like a little girl everytime something even somewhat interesting happened. finally, an annoyed couple in front of me got fed up. the boyfriend turns around and says, "hey kid, why don't you give that one a shot once your balls drop?" the mother looks as if she's just been shot. a random drunk, cut-off t-shirt-wearing redneck throws himself at the guy and my buddy and i are left to witness the aftermath. the sox got hammered and i stayed sober, staring at my ticket stub. how much did i pay to sit here again?" (Evan)

"It's 1991, a good year for the Sox, new stadium, exciting team. My dad gets field level seats down the 3rd base line. A foul ball comes our way and the guy in front of me catches it. Someone in a group of guys in the row behind us asks to see the ball because there is some sort of special insignia on it since it's the stadium's inaugural year. As soon as the ball is handed over, the guy behinds me throws it to his buddy standing in the aisle who promptly runs away with the ball. This obviously incites the gentleman who caught the ball in front of me and he starts swinging at the guy behind me. This fracas goes on with me in the middle for about a minute before my dad and security can break it up and escort the combatants away. Guess who got their ass kicked: ME, BECAUSE I'M SIX YEARS OLD. Stadium staff quickly whisk me into the bowels of stadium to apologize profusely and bandage up my bumps and bruises. I still think we could've parlayed the whole incident into something bigger and gotten free season tickets or a copy of Big Hurt Baseball for Super Nintendo, but all I got was a baseball and an ice cream, so it wasn't all bad." (Mark H.)

"As a Cubs fan I can honestly say I would rather drown in a cesspool of smelly, creepy Cardinals and Brewers fans than spend 3 hours around Southsiders. Everything is about the Cubs. Everything. Especially when 'it's not about the Cubs.' They are most insecure, vindictive, petty sports fans I've ever been around. And that's counting hockey fans." (Drew)

"As a life long Sox fan, I'd say the easiest way to describe the Cell experience is to compare with that other Chicago team. Wrigley is old and falling apart. The Cell is new and full of modern amenities and a growing forest of bronze statues. Wrigley always seems packed. The Cell always seems half empty. Attendance was awful before the World Series and while it's gotten better, you can almost always get tickets on the same day as a game you want to see. Though you will pay like you're going to see a top ten team instead of a team that's come in 1st in the division four times since the Cell opened. Wrigley sits near one of the main centers of the gay community in Chicago. The Cell sits near some fairly harsh neighborhoods. And the fans... At the Cell our drunks aren't content to sit and look pretty while texting on their Blackberries and talking on the phone like the drunks at Wrigley. No, our fans rush out and beat the crap out of a Kansas City Royals first base coach. Our fans attack a first base umpire. At least once a month it seems like some asshat is delaying a game by running out on the field. If the Steve Bartman incident had happened at the Cell, he would have been torn to pieces and his head put on a pike over the front gate. In general, the fans are a reflection of Ozzie Guillen - foul mouthed, abrasive and a bit nasty at times but uniquely Chicago. Of course the best part about going to a game at US Cellular Field (besides wondering if you might get to see someone stabbed in the crowd or attacked on the field)? Not having to listen to the biggest homer announcer in all of baseball." (Sarah P.)
"I love the White Sox, but there too many fucking statues in and around the joint. The statue depicting DeWayne Wise's catch during Buehrle's perfect game is already being molded in Hawk's basement." (DomChota)

"We've all heard stories about the Vertigo Seats..consider this- When the Bears were rebuilding Soldier's Field- the most logical thing was to have them play at 'Sox Park' during the construction year ( After all the tax payers did pay for this place, and its in Chicago ). What did the Bears do? They avoided Sox Park like the plague & they shipped the Bears 2.5 hours South to The University of Illinois for every 'Home' game. Nothing like that "home feel" when you are being shipped to the middle of Illinois on a Saturday!" (Neal J.)

"First off, Sox fans, it's U-S C-e-l-l-u-l-a-r F-i-e-l-d. Not 'Cominsky Park,' not 'Cominsky's Field.' Not even Comiskey Park like the old days, but at least I can put up with that. Southside "Chicaaaahgoins" do tend to add an 's' on everything, but mostly to grocery stores for some reason. Jewel becomes The Jewels. Meier becomes Meier's. Soldier Field becomes Soldier's Field, but I digress. There seems to be a rule that no one can attend a Sox game unless their name is Tony, Tina, Vinny, Pauly, Lisa, or Marie. It's like a god damn Soprano's episode 'over dere.' It's AWESOME people watching, though. Tons of wife beater tanks and quarts upon quarts of hair spray which reminds me of my 1987 8th grade Jr. High yearbook. Just don't light a match. Lot's of green Southside Irish pride Sox hats to go 'round and the attitude to go with it. US Cellular is filled with anyone who has ever started a sentence with, 'Like I says' and 'Know what I'm sayin.' (No I don't, because you haven't started anything nearly resembling a sentence yet) They pull up in their Trans-AMs ready to raise hell. The park itself is a train wreck. An improved train wreck, but still a train wreck. They really missed the mark, as The Cell was one of the first of the new breed of ballparks in the 90's. Builders had to do a re-work on the upper deck steps well after many games played, because too many of you clumbsy 'yooz guyz' fell on their craniums with two beers in their hands. (They really tripped over their gold rope chains, in reality)The upper deck was way too steep. Ingenious planning. I miss the old days of Disco Demolition already at the old park. If you want decent food and cold beer go right ahead. If you want to fear for your life because of the shiteous neighborhood and lack of security be my guest. Leave your suburb SUV's at home and pull up in your IROC-Z or Fiero and you'll be just fine. You may get a fist bump or a shout out by one of the guys from youtube's 'My New Haircut.' See also: William Ligue Jr." (Craig H.)

"For some background, this was my first time to Chicago and the South Side so I had no idea what to expect. As I'm walking off the L with a buddy who made the trip, the first thing you notice is the smell. It literally smells like garbage as you're walking in. Why? Who knows, but WTF. Secondly, is the bathroom fight that took place. The bathrooms in the outfield have the urinals and stalls in a row next to each other with very little room to form a line. This causes confusion about who's next in line as no one knows if there's on singular line or a line for each stall. So, this sketchy gentleman, complete with the ratty shirt and cocked hat takes a place in front of a couple of us but directly in one of the stalls. He also has a shit-eating grin on his face like he pulled a fast one. Anyway, a stall opens up and he goes for it. Well, the gentleman directly in front of me also makes a play for the stall. They soon put their arms in front of each other as they angle for the open stall. Shoving ensues, yelling is abound but shit-eater wins. Well, would'nt you know, the stall next to him opens up and his adversary takes it. For some reason, he decided to talk shit to the shit-eater about the stall which took all of 30 seconds out of his life. Shit eater then steps it up and starts using insults you'd expect from drunk trailer trash: bitch, pussy, cocksucker, etc. The other man doesnt let up either and returns the favor. Shit-eater then reaches over the wall and starts punching the guy as they both spill out of their respective stalls.. All of this in front of children using the urinals who were almost collateral damage. Thank God a security guard decided to take a leak or else an actual fight might have taken place." (Michael M.)

"I used to attend games at the Cell often. Then I found a job." (Ryan S.)

my gripe about the cell was that there was no roof. the one day i went, it was sunny and i suffered a massive sunburn that made me sick. if i can't handle being out there for a game, i don't know how the players do it! i guess that takes experiance and practice, but that was my 1 gripe about the cell. the food didn't bother me too much and the drinks were ok. the stadium's other features (like the open-air shower for the kiddies) weren't bad, but it's that damn sun!

and in other news, the sox once again cannot sweep an opposing team. today, they lose by a final score of 3-2 in favor of oakland. unfortunately, john danks was the starting pitcher, and i guess he just didn't have his stuff today. hopefully, our next series against KC will bring better results.
but in happy news, my boy carlos quentin may not need surgery on his left foot in the offseason! this is good cuz my boy cannot afford to miss any more worktime! my little crystal chandelier is getting better :).

Friday, August 14, 2009

crucial updates

despite my long absence, there are some crucial updates to be made:

1. i have been granted an opportunity to contribute to a popular baseball blog. the editors of "more hardball", gm_carson and burton, have invited me to contribute articles to their blog. since theirs is an all-around baseball blog, i can't do the in-depth analysis of my white sox that i normally engage in over here at cell's bells. however, i can contribute some of my more quirky items, like "the dugout" (which hasn't been working since i've returned from vacation), and random quotes by my loudmouth manager ozzie, the latter of which should prove useful talking materials.

my point is, do not fear that i will abandon cell's bells. i will continue to post enteries here, but now you can catch me elsewhere.

2. the entire reason for this blog's existance: THE WHITE SOX!!! i've all but neglected them!

things have not been well for my boys in black-and-white as of late. they played well against the angels while i was in CA, but upon arriving home, things just dropped off. though john danks pitched the game of his career against seattle on tuesday, and got the win, but they split the series with the mariners. today, they played the As. contreras was due to pitch today, and did, but blew a 6-run lead. last i checked the As and sox were tied at 7 in the bottom of the 8th. since mark kotsay used to play for the As, i wonder if they gave him a happy homecoming.

in light of jose contreras' return to rock-bottom, i wonder when diva jake peavy is due to begin pitching for us...

thats all for now. i returned an hour ago from the dodgers-diamondbacks game here in AZ. d-backs won and dan haren pitched very well. so well, he had the balls to hit andre ethier with manny ramirez coming up in the 7th. both men got out. the snakes lit up starter clayton kershaw in the 2nd, putting on 4 straight runs. if they'd scored 2 more, the taco bells down here in AZ would have given away 3 free tacos with the purchase of a large drink and showing your ticket stub. but alas it was not to be. you could smell the tacos, but the taco bell was closed :(.

as for that diva manny, chase field got especially noisy when he came up to bat. i booed, LA fans cheered. its a damn shame manny had to get busted for taking HCG, cuz i really think he would have looked nice with the boobs he aquired from using that hormone. it would work well with his disgusting dreadlocks.

and despite the obnoxiousness of dodger fans, todays game was a reminder as to why i love baseball so much. there was great pitching, spectacular catches, a defense that knew what it was doing, steals that required balls of steel to pull off, a charged atmosphere, and the fans behaved themselves for the most part.

thats all for tonight.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Checking in With Barry

since im still in a vacation-mood, i thought i'd post this amusing article from the back page of "sports illustrated". this piece was written by chris ballard.

TO: Baseball fans and media
FROM: Barry Bonds

Remember me? Dude who gave you 762 free souvenirs and never once got thanked? Dude who embarrassed National League pitchers for two decades, put up the most ridiculous numbers in baseball history and won seven MVP awards? Time was, you respected me. Some of you even loved me.

Until you hated me. So I didn't smile and sign every little kid's T-shirt. So I ignored a teammate or two. So I blew off reporters—hey, they were just going to make stuff up anyway. And yeah, so I took some of the Clear. O.K., maybe I took enough to put a horse in a coma, but what's the difference? Point is, I could play the game. Play it like no one else. Ever.

None of that mattered, though. You called me a cheater and said it all had to go—the respect, the records, even the chance to play. Come on, two years ago I put up a 1.045 OPS. You're telling me no team could have used that kind of talent last season? Know how many hitters have an OPS that high right now? (Yeah, you bet I keep up.) That's right: one. Your boy Albert Pujols—or as my friends call him, the Last Great Clean Hope (Until He Isn't). But me? I sat and waited for a phone call that never came, unless it was my lawyers wanting to talk about that annoying perjury case.

Teams thought I'd be a p.r. nightmare. A locker room problem. That I was old and grumpy and couldn't field. Hell, Adam Dunn is young and grumpy and can't field, and the Nationals signed him for 10 mil a year. But no, I was the Great Steroid Pariah. Yeah, you're damn right I know what that word means.

So I have to ask: What do you think of me now? Come on, let's go down the list together of all the big names linked to performance-enhancing drugs: McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, A-Rod, Manny and now Big Papi. You people love Big Papi. Can't get enough of him. But wasn't it obvious his numbers were bogus? Dude used to be a scrub. Then at 27 he suddenly turns into Reggie freaking Jackson? He went from hitting 20 home runs a season to 54! But none of you noticed because you were all talking about my hat size, and besides, David Ortiz didn't look like a user. He was too goofy, too soft and—let's be honest—too fat. It was like saying Santa Claus was on the juice.

So how are you going to treat Papi now? Will you boo him and throw syringes on the field like you did to me? Are you going to sic Pedro Gomez on him? Because if so, can you get on that sooner rather than later? The guy's still camping out on my porch. I'm not joking. I can see him through the curtains right now.

While we're at it, just what price has Manny paid? Let's see: a 50-game suspension and then ... what? More love from you guys. Just last week some joker from a Long Beach paper went on about how great Manny was because when he approached Manny for an interview and mentioned Armenian food, Manny said the two of them should go out for Armenian sometime and gave him his number. Hello! I love Armenian food. Are you telling me all it takes to change your opinion is sharing some tas kebab? Are you people really that shallow?

Wait, don't answer that. Go on hating me. It's cool. I still have my trial, and I need to finish patching things up with my wife now that we're no longer getting a divorce—despite that big-mouth girlfriend of mine. And of course I need time to work on my Hall of Fame acceptance speech—that is, if I decide you all deserve to hear one.

And think about this: Only seven of the 104 names on that master list of juicers have come out. That means there are nearly one hundred still to drop, and that's just from that one round of testing six years ago. Jose Canseco says there's a 95% chance anyone who played in the last 20 years was using something, and even though he's a total nut job who I'd probably hit in the face with a bat if I saw him in a back alley, dude does seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to cheating.

So here's what I'm asking. As each new name comes out and you guys all care less and forgive quicker because you just want to move on already, think about me for a second. You know, the guy you singled out among an invisible crowd of hundreds of players, the guy who took all your anger for all those years and never let it break him. And ask yourself this: What if I'd been a nice guy? What if I'd smiled at the crowds and had a cute nickname like Big Bappi and took all of you out for Armenian food? And what if you just found out I'd been on the juice—well, what would you think of me then? Would I still be public enemy No. 1? Or would you feel different? Because I'm thinking you would.

I'm thinking that right about now you're feeling bad about how you treated me. I'm thinking maybe you'd like to apologize.

Not that I care, of course. No, not at all.

and in final business notes, my boys have added yet another player to their seemingly endless aquisitions of players: rightfielder alex rios from toronto. looks like this is it for JD. goodbye buddy, you've served your time well.


Saturday, August 1, 2009

The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

bobby cox and charlie manual play abbot and costello with this comedic exchange!

The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

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yet another busy week in white sox nation!

first the trade deadline was this week, and in a shocking twist, my gm kenny williams picked up journeyman mark kotsay, AND san diego diva jake peavy! yes, you read that right! jake peavy has come to the white sox! it took 3 different tries, a bunch of minor-league players, and 1 pissed off pitcher before that diva finally agreed to come. now comes the performance-peavy has to prove that for all the trouble it took to get him here, he's not a bust. if peavy turns out to be a bust, then kenny's got alot to answer for.

my dad was telling me that the reason peavy came over was so that kenny could get rid of jermaine "JD" dye. but in last night's game, i saw JD sitting in the dugout next to ozzie. i guess that rumor was false. but still, you can never have enough aces.

speaking of last night's game, my sox had the game of the week by ass-raping the yankees 10-5. in a strange twist of the lineup, dj "tabasco" carrasco got the call to start instead of gavin floyd (who's pitching tomorrow). john danks started thursday and won, so yesterday would have been BHB. anyway, carrasco got off to a bit of a rough start by giving up 3 runs to the yankees in the 1st. but in a happy turn of events, the sox roared back, putting up 1 run in the 1st, 2 in the 2nd, 2 more in the 5th, and after the yankees tied it up in the 5th, my boys in black-and-white unleashed a torrent of runs in the 7th-tacking on 5 more.

indeed, the 7th inning was what sealed the yankees doom. ozzie ordered a double steal in which jayson nix stole home and chris getz stole 2nd. then, we just lit up the pitcher, hitting small ball but piling on the runs. posada, the yankees' nail-painting catcher, couldn't catch anything that came his way from the infield. as a joke, my brother told me that i should play for the yankees, since i would make a better catcher then posada, and i'm relatively inexperianced.

has my boy carlos been on a hot streak or what? he hit a home run in MN, and hit another home run yesterday. my boy also hit some RBI doubles, and caught the game-sealing popout.

dustmop bobby jenks was nowhere to be seen. my dad told me that he's been out sick, so linebrink closed the game out in place of him.

my dad told me that raping the yankees like this was the best thing to do, cuz the yankees spent so much money to get all these guys, and most of them have been ok-not the best, just ok. it's more of a revenge thing. it appears that it's a birthright for almost anyone born outside of new york to hate the yankees. that whole AL east is so overrated.

tomorrow i'm heading off to california with my uncle and brother! my uncle promised to take us to LA for vacation, so we're going tomorrow and staying for a week. i'm really looking forward to this trip, but i won't be able to write for a week cuz im not bringing my computer. its just too much of a hassle to crate along.

bye everyone! i'll write when i get back from LA!


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

good-bye BA

has this been a busy weekend in the white sox nation!

first, we almost get swept by the tigers-no thanks to our once-untouchable closer bobby jenks. that fat dustmop blew TWO saves in the series! 1 is already bad enough, but TWO?! what is wrong with that guy? my dad speculates that jenks is hurt, but he's trying to play through the pain. well if jenks really truly is hurt, take him out and put d'oh-tel in as the closer, for now.

second, and here's the bombshell, kenny williams makes a shocking trade. in comes journeyman mark kotsay, out goes none other than the ladies' man himself, brian "BA" anderson. one of the bloggers on my widget hoped that the red sox can fix up BA where the white sox couldn't-including teaching him to be more patient at the plate.

good-bye, BA. you've served your time here in chicago well. you will be missed on rush street (well, maybe carlos can fill in for you over there. i hear he's a big ladies' man too), if not by the fans themselves. hope the "honey's" in boston are just as nice as the "honey's" over here.

as for mark kotsay-i say, welcome to chicago. i hope that your stay here is pleasant, and productive.

this is kind of off-the-wall, but if my memory serves me right, kotsay used to be one of the religious ballplayers. basically, he used to cross himself before going up to bat. he's not the only one-a bunch of other ballplayers are like that (on my boys in black-and-white, its aj, carlos, and pitchers carrasco, d'oh-tel, and another one who's name i can't think of right now). i know for sure that he used to cross himself before batting when he played in oakland, but whether he kept that up, i don't know. the TV networks aren't too keen on showing religious players in the act. my whole point with this is that certain player have certain at-bat (or, in the case of pitchers, before their first pitch) quirks that i notice and remember. some are unique (like nomar's glove routine, and papi ortiz's spitting clap), and some are distinctive (like players crossing themselves). but when some of them fall off my radar for a while, and then resurface, i have to wonder if anything's changed. in case you're wondering, i don't have a problem with religious ballplayers. i believe that their job as ballplayers takes precident over anything they do.

good night everyone. im going to bed.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Dugout: A Perfect Game

jim thome makes a racket of himself, yet again.

The Dugout: A Perfect Game

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

mark of excellence

unfortunately, i missed today's game.

it was on cable, and it was a damn shame that i missed this game today because not only has my boy come back from rehab, but mark buehrle pitched a complete game shutout-the first of this year, against the rays. of all the games to miss, its the one where one of my boys makes national headlines for something GOOD!!! as for the last complete game shutout, it was last year when carlos zambrano had the game of the year (and his career) with a no-hit shutout against the astros. buehrle's job today was a fine way to end this productive series against the rays, since we took 3/4. now that we're a whole team again, and in second place (just 2 games behind detroit!), i think we're on the right track to the postseason.

but on a final note, mark buehrle has someone to thank for helping him pitch the game of his career today-dewayne wise. for if it hadn't been for wise's 9th inning home-run robbing catch, buehrle might not have made national headlines for his feat. looks like somebody is owed a dinner.

final score was 5-0 in favor of the sox.

and speaking of detroit, our next series is against them. we play them for 2 games. now we've finally got a chance to actually gain some ground!

in honor of mark buehrle's spectacular performance today, you will see that i've completely changed my blog's layout to something with a little more visual appeal that before. after a few, rather minor technical difficulties (namely, my widgets getting deleted-which included followers and my link list!), all is back to normal.




Monday, July 20, 2009

The Dugout: Vote Of Confidence

burton and gm_carson, this one's for you!

read it and laugh

The Dugout: Vote Of Confidence

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Saturday, July 18, 2009

birdie blowout

hello! hope you've all enjoyed your all-star break, where once again, my AL dominated and won in a much-shorter matchup than last years 15-inning marathon. mark buehrle did well for the short time that he was on, and once again, the NL sees living proof as to why having a DH is a good thing.

my 1 gripe with the all-star game this year was having the president come to throw out the 1st pitch. there was just too much hoopla surrounding him. plus, our president talks too much. i dont happen to be a fan of president obama for various reasons. plus, he ripped off mark buehrle's signature fistpump after he strikes out someone to end a successful inning! cheating is not something to be celebrated!!

there were some surprises this year. for 1 thing, slub carlos zambrano did not make the all-star game roster (guess his temper tantrums have caught up with him)-a nobody named ted lilly represented the northsiders this year. manny wasn't there either, but we all know why that was the case. the east coast dominated again (red sox and yankees), and the sucky diamondbacks (who have the most awesome stadium in baseball) sent 2 players! also, in a shocking turn of events, the orioles didn't send nick markakis.

but speaking of the orioles, yesterday's game saw the orioles get BLOWN OUT!!! jim thome had a monster night by hitting 2 home runs-the first was a 3-run HR in the 5th, and in the 6th, he hit a grand slam. paul konerko also contributed with a home run in the 2nd, and although our defense gave up a few runs, and though we looked like we were gonna lose it after the orioles tied it in the 6th, we tacked on so many runs that there was nothing the orioles could do about it. the final score was a lopsided 12-8.

todays game was a much closer 4-3 in favor of the white sox. our ace mark buehrle was pitching, and the underrated jermaine dye (who should have accompanied mark buehrle to the allstar game this year) hit a 3-run homerun to put the sox ahead for the rest of the game.

in the meantime, my boy is slated to be back soon! just a few more games in charlotte, and he'll be good as new!

speaking of charlotte, there's still no news of bartolo colon! maybe he's still hiding from ozzie and mourning for michael jackson.
what a way to start off the 2nd half of the season!

Monday, July 13, 2009

all-star break

*cartoon courtesy of carl skanberg*
since those damn twinkies took 2/3. since tomorrow is the 80th all-star game (to which our lone ace, mark buehrle, was voted), i figured that i'd close out the rollercoaster first half of the season with a bit of humor from the vault.

but in the meantime, me and all bloggers (official and amateur) of the white sox nation would like to extend our best wishes to mark buehrle for a successful outing tomorrow.

now, to the good stuff :)

"the dugout" is a website that i enjoy visiting frequently. basically, its a fake "chatroom" where MLB players are given wacky screen names and sportswriters with a sense of humor write fake IMs to total a hilarious read every time. unfortunately, the website will not allow me to post here on blogger, but i will post the links to my 2 favorite white sox's chat sessions so you can read them and laugh.


Saturday, July 11, 2009

Baseball teams fear 'haunted' Milwaukee hotel

though this does not relate to the white sox, i've always had a love for ghost tales.

read it and laugh (or become informed on where not to go in milwaukee)

Baseball teams fear 'haunted' Milwaukee hotel

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Friday, July 10, 2009

bartolo's blues

usually, i dont write about stories relating to the white sox here "cells bells" that were previously featured on other websites, as i like to keep my stories about my boys in black-and-white as close to my original perspective as possible. but today is an exception.

rick chandler over at "sports by brooks", a sports gossip site who's catchy headline caught my eye in the white sox widget on my page, has posted an unusual piece regarding the whereabouts of fat bartolo. according to the story, fatso is due to start pitching in charlotte tonight for rehab, but no one has been able to get in contact with him and he hasn't been seen in days!

what's ozzie's explanation for his employee's sudden disappearance?

“I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan,” Guillen said. “He might [watch] the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in L.A. at his funeral, because I can’t find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney (Guillen’s son) will call me to say he’s there.

“Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I’m serious. He might be depressed a little bit.”

and there's no mention of fatso scarfing down a tub of haagen daaz as he watched the funeral extravaganza (see my other blog "the pen is mightier than the sword" for my final opinion on michael jackson) and mourned the loss of his idol.

that said, fatso's agent told reporters that his client would pitch tonight in charlotte, but this remains to be seen.

you can read the whole story here.

before i sign off this post, i must congratulate paul konerko for his monster night 2 days ago where he hit 3 home runs in 1 game against the indians. CONGRATULATIONS PAULIE!!! YOU'RE NOT WASHED UP JUST YET!!!!
also, my journalistic duty must report that we failed to sweep the indians a second time. today's pitcher, clayton richard, was rocked by the indians in the first few innings. the final score was 10-8 in favor of cleveland, but we took 2/3 so it was all good. our next series is saturday against the twins (or twinkies, as my dad likes to call them). starting pitchers will be john danks for us, and nick blackburn for them.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

back again

hi everyone!

i know i've fallen off the map for a while, but thats ok. im back now, and i'll try to write more frequently.

so much i've missed since my last entry. we swept cleveland in cleveland, split 2 of 4 with the royals, and according to south side sox, we're back to playing the indians. the last i checked, we won game 1 and are leading game 2 4-0.

and in other big news, my boy is almost back! he went 2-3 in charlotte, and that fatso is about ready to start rehab elsewhere.

sorry this is so short, but i gotta run!


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

BIG Z to the sox?

phil rogers of the chicago tribune is calling for the dismissal of carlos zambrano from the cubs! more on this in a bit.

last night's game was a must-win, and we won. our offense was awake and functioning, as gordon beckham hit a RBI single that scored a run in the 7th. BHB was spectacular, pitching 8 innings of 2-run baseball. tonight, clayton richard gets the call to start.

and now to the headline story of the day. yesterday, in the chicago tribune, writer phil rogers called for the dismissal of lone cubs ace carlos zambrano. the reason for this was a result of BIG Z's performance on sunday against my boys in black-and-white, where he gave up 3 runs and hit a batter. given BIG Z's tendancy to melt down easily (though not nearly as easily as fellow slub fucktard milton bradley), and the fact that this year, one of his tantrums resulted in a 6-game suspension, its easy to see why he could easily turn into an even bigger liability for the already-cursed black hole of baseball known as the cubs (the others, being fucktard bradley, inept closer carlos "marmol-ade" marmol, kosuke "can't swing a bat" fukudome, etc).

BUT, and here's where it gets interesting, BIG Z said in an interview that he wouldn't mind playing for the sox and revealed that he was a fan of the team. since he has a good ERA (please dont ask me to do any math) and a good work ethic (for the most part), if the cubs were to get rid of BIG Z (and send his contract with him), the sox could pick him up. that way, this basketcase can continue his career with the team he loves, and fight with fellow countryman ozzie guillen after a bad outing and not get suspended. plus, he can replace jose contreras since it appears that this year might be it for him. we could always use solid vets to balance out the massive youth movement in our bullpen.

more on this story as it becomes available.


Sunday, June 28, 2009

win baby win

for the 4th straight series, the sox have managed to win 2 out of 3 games. while we haven't swept anyone since may/early june, 2/3 is acceptible, for now. it shows that we're still not dead yet.

today's game (which i, shamefully, again did not watch because my brother dragged me out of the house to best buy to look for a computer case) was a thriller. it was john danks versus the 1 consistantly good player on the cubs, carlos zambrano. from the highlights at southside sox, alexei had a MVP moment when he hit a 2-run homerun in the 6th. what made this one special was that podsie, the leadoff man-for-now, got plunked by BIG Z (no warnings were issued). the sox had a good game, scoring both early and often. final score was a 6-0 blanking in favor of the white sox.

and in his traditional postgame interview, the ever-outrageous ozzie guillen had a few words to say about the recent (lack of) attendance at games:

So the Sox need the Cubs to help them draw fans? White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was asked why attendance was so low at the Sox-Dodgers series, and said: “Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans. They know we’re (expletive).”

Guillen said Cubs fans will go watch any game at Wrigley Field because “Wrigley Field is just a bar.”

quote courtesy of south side sox. i should write a book and just fill it with outrageous quotes by ozzie guillen.

our next series will be against the cleveland indians over in cleveland. tomorrow's starting pitchers will be BHB and carl "american idle" pavano.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

the week in review

dearest reader(s),

im so sorry that i haven't been able to write about my boys in black-and-white. its just that this week, i started working at a greek nursing home (currently, its just volunteering, but that could soon change since my supervisor told me about a program that pays you for volunteering). i work everyday for about 4 hours, just babysitting old people. its not too bad, i just help the aides with activities and shuffling the farts around. my only problem is that i dont speak greek, and while i've picked up a few words (they call me "kuklamu", which means "doll"-or "sweetheart", and i also learned "ela" which means "come"), im largely clueless as to what is being said when greek is spoken.

consequently, i havent been able to watch baseball AT ALL this week. but since tonight's game is on cable, and i dont work today, i will do a recap of the week.

last weekend and into monday, the detroit tigers came to town. and with them, former sock and communist shemale magglio ordonez (at least thats what the sports gossip forums say) returned to face his old manager whom he disputed with at the end of his season with the sox. magglio also got a haircut (finally), but the sox won that series.

on tuesday, the dodgers came to chicago for 3 games. after dropping game 1 to the dodgers, the sox managed to win the last 2. game 2 was a blowout, and game three was much closer, but it was a last-minute victory for the sox after jim thome (who's been on a hot streak) hit an RBI to win it. aside from beating the best team in baseball, ozzie guillen blew some steam at the team for their lackluster offense in his usual postgame press conference.

yesterday, the cubs came to the cell. the newly-revamped jose contreras was pitching and although he gave up 3 runs, he had 8Ks-which is pretty good any day. the sox almost came back to win it in the 8th, but the cubs pitchers shut them down.

and in other news, the fucktard milton bradley is in trouble-again. after popping out in the 6th, bradley threw a terrible tantrum in the dugout-throwing his helmet and destroying a water cooler (perhaps channeling zambrano and dempster's reactions to bad outings), prompting equally-hotheaded manager, lou pinella to send him home. though i dont care for the cubs 1 way or another, me and just about every sports reporter in the city thinks it was a bad idea for the cubs to sign this douchebag. looks like it's gonna be another lackluster year for this guy.

to the west coast: manny is almost ready to return. he would have returned on wednesday, but a storm delayed the game, and subsequently his return. in the words of conan o'brian, "manny will now soon be the first player to hit for the menstrual cycle" (get it-he used female fertility drugs...)


Sunday, June 21, 2009

happy father's day!

hi everyone!

first of all, to all few guys who read my blog at this end of the internet, i want to wish you a very happy father's day!

hoo-boy! have we been busy! the crosstown classic was split after game 1 was rained out. john danks DID, however, pitch the next day against ryan "the canadian" dempster of the cubs. danks did a spectacular job-8 innings of scoreless baseball. dempster, on the other hand, gave up 2 runs and the cubs bullpen gave up 2 MORE runs later on. scott linebrink, who's been struggling lately, gave up 1 run in the 9th, but matt thornton finished it for us. final score: sox-4, cubs-1.

game 3 was on cable. gavin floyd and his BHB was pitching against the mighty carlos zambrano of the cubs. BHB did pretty well (zambrano, not so much), and the sox led for most of the game, but in the 9th, derek lee of the cubs hit a home run to win it.

things haven't been well since then. after the cubs, it was off to cincinnati to play the reds. jose contreras faced off bronson arroyo. contreras did ok, but the bullpen blew it. we lost 3-4.

yesterday, however, it was better. clayton richard faced some fella named johnny cueto. we did much better and won 10-8.

today, mark buehrle faces off against danny harang (also known as "harangutang", get it...?). when i checked the score, it was 2-0 sox in the top of the 1st.

and in other news, those damn cubs are doing better and better. they've beat the indians twice already, including former players mark derosa and kerry wood. both victories were also come-from-behinds, normally in the 9th (and often won in extra innings). on our side, fat bartolo's on the DL. knee problems listed, but i think ozzie needed a legitimate reason to bench him. as you all know, fatso's been having some problems throwing the ball in the strike zone.

happy father's day!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

whats next?

the sox win the series against the brewers in a 5-4 thrilla'. since the game was on cable, i went to south side sox for the recap. apparantly, we came back in the 9th. mark buehrle was pitching and did ok. is it just me or does it seem that when the sox are on the road, they have a better playing record? think about this for a second: in that road trip 3-or-so weeks ago, we won every series against every team we faced. but when we came home, the team tanked! now, we get called up to milwaukee, and win that series up there! im sure im not the only one in white sox nation who's noticing this trend. it seems that 2007 is coming back with a vengance.

but on a more positive note, today is game 1 of my favorite rivalry: cubs vs. white sox. and yes, this game is on cable too. this sucks cuz on the cubs, big bad carlos zambrano is pitching and he's the 1 player on the cubs who's actually GOOD at his job! i personally dont mind watching the cubs, but only if zambrano's pitching. otherwise that team sucks.

for us, it's john danks getting the call. i think this game is at wrigley field too.

here's a random tidbit: today at macy's in downtown chicago, my boy carlos was slated to make an appearance. if you spent over $75 for father's day, you got an autographed picture of my boy. but, if you didnt have money to spend (like ME!!), you could have gone for autographs. i would have really liked to go just to get an autograph from my boy, and maybe ask him how his foot was feeling (news outta herm schnider-the white sox trainer-says that carlos won't be back till the all-star break, if not later. torn tendon in the foot is the standing diagnosis). but unfortunately, i cant drive in chicago (mainly cuz i cant parallel park, but the traffic makes me very nervous), and i dont wanna pay for parking (it costs like $20 to park ANYWHERE in chicago now!).


Saturday, June 13, 2009

big wins

hallo everybody!

this picture above might seem really random, but this creepy fella is mr. sardonicus. he's the main character in a 1950s horror flick of the same title. i just saw the movie tonight on a local tv station. i was actually horrified when i saw his face for the first time, and it takes alot to freak me out. the movie's plot plays on the idea of the role of psychology in perception.

and now to business: last night's game was finally over, but at a terrible score: 7-2 in favor of the brewers. after d'oh-tel, dj "tabasco" carrasco came on, and gave up 3 more runs, to put the brewers ahead 6-2 at that point. after tabasco, aaron "jew-jitzu" poreda made his major league debut.

poreda actually didnt do too bad compared with his predicessors. poreda had 2 Ks and gave up only 1 run. he's got a bright major league future.

today's game was on fox, which im ashamed to admit, but i didnt watch the whole game. i was busy all day and only until 5 or so did i sit down to watch. jose contreras, the new miracle man, was starting today, and pitched 8 innings of spectacular, no-hit baseball. manny parra got the call for the brewers, and lasted a mere 1.5 innings. he gave up 6 runs in the 2nd. i think the sox scored their final run in the 6th. when i turned the game on, it was 7-0 in the 8th. scott linebrink was then called up to close the game, but he gave up 1 run. final score was 7-1 in favor of the white sox.

tomorrow is game 3, but it'll be on cable. i also have to go to the airport to pick up my parents and brother, who are coming back from AZ (my brother had orientation at school), but later on, i'll be going to a concert at ravinia. it'll be fun.


Friday, June 12, 2009

up and down


our homestand was absolutely miserable. after contreras got us our win, we dropped the next 2 games to the tigers. 1 of those games, as it fell, was an extra-inning affair (we lost it in, i think, the 15th). it would have been worse if we'd lost yesterday, but through some miracle, we managed to win. what happened was that gavin floyd and his BHB got the call to start. BHB pitched pretty well, and by time he'd left in the 8th, the score was 3-1 in favor of the white sox. scott linebrink did setup and bobby jenks (who's been struggling lately) was called in to close. with 2 outs, he gives up a 2-run homerun to curtis granderson in the top of the 9th.

yeah, not cool.

come the bottom of the 9th, tigers closer joel zumaya was called up to finish this game and take it into extra innings. from his first pitch, the white sox had grabbed him by the balls and didnt let go till the game was over. zoomie loaded up the bases (his first pitch was a double by BA), and it was none other than podsie-pan who brought in the winning run on a single. podsie, who is notorious for not coming through in the clutch, raised his batting average a little bit by bringing in BA. the final score was 4-3 in favor of the white sox.

today, my boys went north to milwaukee, otherwise known as beer city, to play the brewers. thought the game is currently in progress with the sox winning 2-0 in the top of the 6th (runs scored in the 2nd by alexei and aj, respectively), it has been a strange game. in the first inning, podsie-pan got caught too far off the bag by jeff suppan, the pitcher who has no range of motion. but aside from that, it must be a full moon or something cuz the officiating crew seems more than a little lost. in the 4th inning, podsie stole 2nd, but was called out cuz he went off the bag. on the replay, it didnt look like that was the case (at least as far as i could tell). also, in the 3rd, there was another controversial call. one of the milwaukee players, i dont remember his name, tried to lay a bunt, and it landed in the dirt right in front of the plate. i thought it was fair, cuz for what little official rules i know about MLB, i know that in the infield, anywhere between the white lines, its fair. it would have been a double play, but the refs ruled it foul. naturally, i screamed at the tv screen that the refs needed their eyes checked.

breaking news! clayton richard was pulled in the bottom of the 6th after overthrowing josh fields to land beer city's own beloved tattooed fatass, prince fielder, at 1st. pidgeon-toed octavio d'oh-tel comes in to pitch, and gives up a double to milwaukee's corey hart. fielder scores (who knew that fatass could run so fast!). milwaukee leads 2-1. hey, there's a reason we in chicago call him "d'oh-tel".

speaking of "d'oh!", guess who's getting walked just now? yep, jason kendall. i know the fine folks at "more hardball" recently dedicated an entry to this fella.

breaking news! hart scores after pitcher jeff suppan singles. it was supposed to be a popup, but alexei and podsie had a chicago cubs moment where the ball dropped between them (the cubs are famous for this). kendall just scored after mcgehee singles. brewers lead 3-2.

will this inning ever end?

finally its over. i'll be back later once the game is over for any final thoughts.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

the million dollar win

hidey-ho!! (*yelled in a mr. hankey voice*)

looks like jose contreras has taken the 1st step towards redeeming himself in the eyes of sox fans. after a month in the minors, jose had to pass the ultimate test: did it pay off.

for now, yes it did. jose's forkball was sharp, his pitches were on target, and the offense actually woke up. if jose can get more wins, i will bestow upon him the title of the new "miracle man". normally, i refer to john danks as "the miracle man" because of his stellar career last year, but i think this year jose contreras (provided that he stays on the good path) is a far better contender for that title, especially since it appears that he's resurrecting his end-of-the-road career.

today, detroit's own lardass trainwreck, dontrelle willis got the call to start. not only has his career been mediocre, but as i commented once on "more hardball" about dontrelle: his weight did him in. i remember dontrelle when he was with the marlins, and he was a skinny little twig. now, he's so fat that he can barely lift his leg up during the windup!

but weight aside, according to the guys at south side sox, dontrelle's been having a good game so far. last i checked, the game was tied 1-1. as for our starter, it was our lone ace mark buerhle.

and in other news, the sox called up aaron "jew-jitzu" poreda (not a "south park" insult! aaron poreda really is jewish! nickname inspired by the photo below). poreda was so happy that on his facebook status, he posted "This is the biggest day of my life... I'm goin to Chicago, the big leagues, and I ain't never goin back!!!!!". i wouldn't be so brash about not going back to the minors if i were you, but thats ok.

come on boys! lets gain some ground!



Monday, June 8, 2009


boy oh boy, have we been bad.

we dropped the series to the A's after winning the 1st game (they won 3 our of 4), got swept by the indians (in 2 of those games we were shut out), and today we dropped the 1st game of a double-header to the detroit tigers with jose "can't win" contreras coming up to pitch in game 2!

yesterday, ozzie was telling the press that the sox offense had run out of bullets by the 3rd inning. while the game was on cable, the lowlights showed that my boys were pretty lackluster. i mean, fat bartolo gave up like 4 solo homeruns (some back-to-back) over the course of 6 innings.

as for the miracle arrival of gordon beckham (who's 9th inning error cost us the lead today), he's been about as effective as a beta-player in the dvd-age (my dad had a beta-im too young to know what it is!) going something like 0-22 in 6 games. this blows!

and in other news, my boy may be getting back soon! reports from south side sox say that carlos is almost ready to return! he'll have to go through some minor league stints cuz he's been outta baseball for a while, recouperating from plantar fasciitis. if beckham couldnt spark the team resurrection, maybe my boy will.

thats all from my end of the blogosphere!


Wednesday, June 3, 2009



first off, happy 30th birthday to my good friend burton over at "more hardball", and probably the only person who will willingly sit and read through my ramblings :).

looks like we're back to being the same old team as before. on monday we came back to chicago and in a last minute move, ozzie switched starters. normally, fatso had been scheduled to pitch monday, but allegedly came down with food poisoning after eating some bad guacamole (so say the guys at south side sox). its still a little murky as to why fatso got pulled, but anyway, gavin floyd and his BHB got the call to serve instead. BHB pitched a good game and jim thome hit a 2-run home run in the later innings to further increase our lead. our final score on monday was 11-5.

yesterday, however, was a different story. fatso was pitching and looks like the guacamole was still hanging on him cuz he gave up a run in the 1st, and then 3 runs in the 4th. our offense was shuttered by the a's pitcher, vincent mazz-somethingorother (dont know his last name and dont feel like looking it up). we were blanked 5-0.

tonight's the final game of the series. clayton richard gets the call to start, and i'll be watching this game cuz its at 7 pm on WCIU. maybe this time we can actually win a series at home!!


Sunday, May 31, 2009

royal flush

hey hey!!

the white sox topped off a rewarding roadtrip by sweeping, yes-SWEEPING, the kansas city royals. the first game was on friday, and we ass-raped the royals 11-7. unfortunately, this game was on cable, and therefore i did not catch it.

the next game was yesterday. for this game, it was mark buehrle who got the call to start. also for this game, MLB had the teams bring out the throwback uniforms. let me just say that the old royals uniforms (then called "monarchs") looked pretty freakin' gay. i mean, it was like something right out of "the natural" or "field of dreams". the royals' hats looked like someone had put a bowl on your head and glued a dark, straight bill to it. at least the sox had dark uniforms with white pinstripes. dark colors will always be fashionable.

but enough about the crappy uniforms and onto a more serious matter, such as BASEBALL!!! the sox had a good game. they were leading 3-1 at 1 point, but then buehrle gave up a 2-run home run to tie the game at 3. luckly, jim thome hit an RBI double in the 9th that put us up 5-3. bobby jenks and that dustmop beard of his came out and got the save for us. take note, however, that i did not watch the game in its entirity. my mom made me go walking with her (something about me needing "exercise"), so i missed most of the game, but i caught the end!

today's game i was sure to catch in its entirity. it was a monster pitching matchup: john danks the miracle man vs. the lone royals ace, zack "grienkydinks" greinke. however, the pitching on both sides was less than spectacular on both sides. grienkydinks gave up 1 run in the 1st, and blew a 4-1 lead. miracle man, on the other hand, couldn't find the strike zone and had to rely on the offense to make up for his lack of control. the score would have been much higher, but our defense did a good job of getting the ball to where it needed to be FAST. alexei ramirez, who earlier in the game lost a ball in the sun and further extended a bad inning, made up for his error by catching everything that went his way. paulie also was looking young as he scooped a ball up outta the dirt to catch a royals runner by a hair. after miracle man was relieved of duty, pidgeon-toed octavio d'oh-tel took over for the next 2 innings, setting the tone for matt thornton and scott linebrink. grienkydinks continued to pitch until the 7th, even though he'd gone over the 100 pitches mark. i remarked to my dad that because grienke was the ace, the royals were gonna keep him in there until his arm fell off. we finally took the lead in the 9th after royals reliever juan cruz failed to keep our guys' bats in check. BA, who came in on a pinch-run, made the most awesome slide home. he just dove into home plate, missing the catchers glove, and might have gone head-over-heels if he kept sliding long enough. we sweep the royals with a final score of 7-4. grienke did not get his win; mission accomplished.

tomorrow, that fat tub-o-lard bartolo colon gets the start against the A's. fatso's last game was pretty impressive, and while the A's have my former fan-flame nomar garciaparra (i loved him in boston) on the team, this should be an easy series. nomar's too old to do any serious damage, and as far as i can tell, the A's are nothing to write home about. plus, its the start of a 12-game homestand for us. can you smell another sweep? or is all those burgers that fatso's swiping from the buffet table?

whatever, tubby. just get us our damn win tomorrow!



Wednesday, May 27, 2009


well, we all hope. but the last i checked, the angels were winning 3-1 in the 7th.

as of last night, we have guaranteed our winning of this series!! fat bartolo pitched spectacularly and jayson nix came up with 2 solo home runs. the score would have been alot more cuz we had the bases loaded twice, but failed to hit the grand slam.

for most of the game, it was a pitchers duel between fatso and joe saunders, the angels starter. then in the 4th inning, we got on the board with an RBI and jayson nix's 1st solo to put us up 2-0. but in the 6th, the angels got a solo run of their own off the bat of torii hunter. finally, after 6 and 2/3 innings, fatso was pulled and matt thornton came in to finish the job. we scored 2 more runs-one of which was another home run by jayson nix, and the angels got another run in of their own before scott linebrink came in to get the save for us. our normal closer, bobby jenks, is out with the flu.

there were tons of spectacular defensive plays on both teams. alexei showed us once again what an amazingly athletic man he is, and old man paulie konerko managed to get a ball outta the dirt just in time to catch a speedy angels hitter. as for the angels, mike napoli made some pretty good blocks behind the plate. the final score was a more reasonable 4-2 in favor of the white sox.

today, gavin floyd and his BHB got the call to start. he did ok till the 7th, when he gave up 2 runs. i just checked the final score and its angels 3, sox 1. jered weaver was the angels winning pitcher.

update on carlos~its plantar faciitis that crippled him on monday, not a hamstring as i first reported. this is painful, so if he wants to play, he better get those cortisone shots ready.

and in other news, the chicago slubs (what i call the cubs now) ace carlos zambrano got suspended after bumping the ump and went ballistic in the dugout. what happened was that zambrano threw a wild pitch that went off of catcher geo soto's glove. soto recovered just in time to throw the ball to zambrano at home plate to catch nyjer morgan and keep him from scoring, but the ref ruled him safe. zambrano, notorious for his hot temper, got into an arguement with the ref and bumped him (it was more like a brush-up then a full-out bump). after getting tossed, zambrano went into the dugout and trashed the gatorade dispenser (which earlier in the week, fellow slub pitcher ryan "the canadian" dempster also trashed after a bad outing. i wonder whose idea it was to put that damn thing in the dugout in the 1st place cuz its obviously becoming a magnet for angry pitchers!) with a bat. he was finally stopped by lou pinella who pulled the bat out of ballistic zambrano's hands.

thats all for tonite! tomorrow its off to KC to play the royals!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

pound for pound

hi-ho, hi-ho, its off to work i go...well, until i can actually find a real job, i'll consider this my source of employment. well, journalism is technically a career, regardless of what you write about. any shmo who is literate and has access to a computer or any other means of distributing their work can be a journalist, and never once set foot in journalism school.

oh boy did we give the angels a POUNDING last night! my boy hit a double that brought in 2 runs in the first, we scored another run after that, and when i looked at the score yesterday, we were up 13-3 in the 5th. miracle man got the start and pitched a great game. i forget who the angels starter was (i think it was john lackey), but he got shelled. sucked to be him last night. the final score was 17-3. BOO-YAH!!! :D

but despite our lopsided victory, there came some bad news. yup, it involves none other than my boy, carlos jose quentin. oh boy, what now? might you ask. well, its his hamstring. after hitting that 2-run RBI, he pulled his hammie running into 2nd base and had to be helped off the field. this latest injury is compounded on top of plantar fascitis (sp?) in his left foot (basically, the tendon in your heel is damaged or strained. it makes walking painful. my mom had it and it took her 6 mos. to heal). i swear! my carlos has become a crystal chandelier!! poke him, he blows out his shoulder; pat him on the back, and he falls to pieces like that liquid nitrogen drenched quicksilver terminator in "terminator 2: judgement day". i say, when he's not playing, wrap him up in bubble wrap and store him in the closet till he gets better. theres no telling when my boy will be back, so therefore i wish him to get well soon.

tonite, that fat tub-o-lard bartolo colon gets the call to start. fatso is 2-4 as of now, and i have no idea what his ERA is (probably over 5 by now). BA will be playing in carlos' spot and the game is at 9 tonight on WCIU. it sucks playing on the west coast cuz the time difference means that games start later and end later for us in the midwest. i dont think i'll be able to watch the whole game, but i'll hold out for as long as i can before my mom has to drag me kicking and screaming to bed. hopefully tonite, we'll win. dont care how we do it, but we have to win.


*editors note*-ladies and germs (well, germs mostly), once again, ive made a mistake. in our whuppin of the angels, i incorrectly listed the starting pitcher's name for the angels as john lackey. last night's starting pitcher was in fact ervin santana. tonight's starting pitcher is joe saunders. also fatolo's ERA is 4.23, not nearly as high as i first thought. my most sincere apologies for this mistake.