Yer Out!

April has been a terrible month for the White Sox.

We've traded places with the Cleveland Indians as being the new cellar-dwellers of the AL Central (who'da seen THAT coming?), and now Ozzie has been suspended for-what else-something he said on Twitter.





















As I've said before, Ozzie and Twitter are a match made in hell if you're Kenny Williams and the White Sox PR department.

What happened was that during the first inning of the Sox-Yankees game on Wednesday, Paul Konerko was called out on strikes, and Ozzie didn't like that. He thought the ref got the call wrong (he was right, by the way). Ozzie went out to argue the call, got into a fight with the ref, and promptly got tossed.



But that's only the beginning. After being tossed, in a bit of foreshadowing for what was to come from the MLB brass, Ozzie wrote on Twitter "This one going to cost me a lot money this is patetic" . He then took a shot at the ref who tossed him by writing "Today a tough guy show up a yankee stadium". I'm no mind-reader, but I'm willing to bet that it was this last tweet that got Ozzie suspended. Also, apparently, it's against the rules for a manager or player to go on social media during a game.


















(Cartoon by Carl Skanberg)

Now Ozzie won't be gone from the game long-just 2 games will suffice-but he's gonna miss the first 2 games back home in Chicago against the Orioles. I've also read that he's been hit with a stiff fine too, but I don't know if it's true cuz I haven't seen any money amount listed.

Hopefully, May will be the start of a Sox turnaround.

Before I sign off for the night, let me just say that I was surprised to see Bartolo Colon still pitching. I thought he'd all but dropped off the map after the Sox let him go. Maybe the clubhouse buffet table in New York was too good to refuse.



Ahh, the memories of poking at the pitcher I lovingly used to call "Fatso".

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

Ozzie Sleeps Tonight

We won! Finally, we won that damn series against the Rays once and for all! Gavin Floyd and his Big Hairy Balls pitched well, giving up a run in the 6th, and Joe Maddon got ejected after arguing with the ref.





















Maddon, I've got some advice for you: if you got a beef with a ref, leave that to the pros, like Bobby Cox!


















In scanning the series summaries, I came across this hilarious article on CSN Chicago.


























Mere hours after frustratingly suggesting that he blow the ballpark up rather than send out another pitcher to blow a save, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was eager to see how his team would respond to Friday’s disheartening turn of events.

Though I wouldn't go so far as to suggest blowing up the Cell in order to make my point, I do realize that this is Ozzie Guillen talking, and when he opens his mouth, you just never know whats gonna come out.

“There aren’t too many games I can’t sleep,” Guillen said. “I promised my wife, ‘Listen, I’m not going to drink too much anymore. The season just started.’ [So] I had one drink. [Losses are] part of the game.”

*GULP GULP GULP*

And while you're at it:







“If I’m going to come here with my down, ‘Look what happened last night’ [look], I’m going to suck all my team in,” Guillen said. “No. [Instead my attitude should be] ‘Hey, are we ready to fight today?’ If we lose today, we have to be ready to fight tomorrow. If we lose [while] fighting, I can sleep with that, I can live with that.”


Ok, but that's not the kicker.

So, how did Ozzie sleep last night?

“I slept like a baby: I woke up every two hours and started crying.”


*cymbal crash*


























Ladies and germs, Ozzie Guillen.























So, looking ahead to next week, the A's are coming up. I smell a sweep!

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

Eaten Alive

Unfortunately, we could not keep the momentum going from last night.

Today, my boys in black-and-white coughed it up in the 9th inning after Matt Thornton gave up 5 runs to give the Rays the game. You PUTZ! Don't ever let yourself be outshined by Rays closer, and MLB journeyman Kyle Farnsworth (who I detested even in my youth as a Cubs fan cuz he would choke on the mound all the time). Especially him, cuz he can't aim for shit.
























I'm sure everyone and their cousin has heard by now that the lady himself, Manny Ramirez, will be retiring from baseball. What I don't know if he's leaving baseball immediately, or if he's waiting for the season to end before throwing in the towel once and for all, but it is confirmed that Manny will be leaving baseball. To him I say "good riddance!". You were good with the Red Sox, but if you hadn't started dicking around with Theo Epstein and the Red Sox' upper-management, perhaps the city of Boston would not be as bitter towards you as they are now. Also, you could have helped win them some more championships, and I would have a better impression of you. Also, using steroids damaged your reputation, as I now think of a set of DD boobs whenever I see you with your disgusting dreadlocks on TV.
























The big question regarding Manny's retiring is what to make of his legacy. I say, his career followed the arc of a home run. He started off slow, shot to the top, stayed there, but had to come down and eventually crashed into somebody's beer and nachos. Getting caught with female pregnancy hormones in his system really did a number on his career, both as a player, and socially cuz it turned him into a national punchline.























Before I sign off on this post, I'd like to post a funny video I saw on Terez Owens. I could give a summary of the video, but then you wouldn't want to watch it. I want you to watch this video. It's not lifesaving, but it's funny nonetheless.


 


Tomorrow is game 3 against the Rays. Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

A Match Made in Hell

Opening Day is just around the corner-that means baseball 24/7, Es-pun pundits and their view from the nostrils of Derek Jeter and Manny Ramirez, and ever more outrageous Twitter comments from my crazy manager, Ozzie Guillen.

Ozzie and Twitter-a match made in Heaven (or Hell, if you're Kenny Williams and the White Sox PR department).

In this cartoon, I choose Hell.






















GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

Ding Fries are Dunn

An original cartoon, inspired by a line in the following video, which was later parodied by "Family Guy":



GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

Crazy Ozzie Strikes Again

Things have been bad on the Southside. REALLY bad. By the end of April, beginning of May, we were in last place. Though we've improved substantially over the course of the month, moving up to third place, we're still not where we should be.

Last night during a game in Cleveland, my crazy manager Ozzie Guillen and Mark Buehrle got into a spat with New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan's long-lost twin, ump Joe West. The spat let to BOTH manager and pitcher getting ejected. After the game, Ozzie had a few choice words for the portly ref.




There will most certainly be a fine from this. I can hear the dollar signs cha-chinging in Bud Selig's brain with this outburst from Ozzie.

Mark Buehrle wasn't too pleased with Joe West either. His comments were more civil than Ozzie's, however, saying that West should focus more on umping than promoting his latest country album (apparently, MLB doesn't pay their officiating staff enough money, so this one had to go out and moonlight as a country singer to make some extra cash).

But before he was tossed out of the game, Ozzie signed this ball for some Cleveland fan.

Side 1





















Side 2






















Message: "Bye bye Lebron, lol/When are you going to win anything in sports? Please."

Ladies and germs, Ozzie Guillen.

Go White Sox!!!
tamtam

Stinkin' Indians

We lost.

In extra innings.

How did we get there? Let's recap.

The game started out fairly well. BHB (Big Hairy Balls, in case you may have forgotten, nickname for pitcher Gavin Floyd) was facing the Indians' ace, Justin Masterson. BHB would go on to pitch for 6 innings, giving up 2 runs, 5 hits, 3 walks, and striking out 7 Indians. Not a bad way to start off your first game of the season. However, it was a no-decision.





But the hero of the game for my side was none other than my boy Carlos Quentin.



















Carlos put most of the White Sox's points on the board with a drawn walk in the 4th to score Juan Pierre, and then later on, Carlos had his first HR of the season-a 2-run bombshell in the 7th to put the Sox up 3-2.

However, none of this was enough to stop the Indians. They tied in the 8th, and this sent the game into extra innings. In the 11th, the Indians scored 2 runs and won. JJ Putz got the loss, and was rightfully mobbed for it (actually, this is an old picture from his days in Seattle, but I just had to bring it out).


Get it? Blood and Putz!

*ducks as head of lettuce comes flying out of computer screen*

*missed by rotten tomatoes*

*bottle of salad dressing*

**Dammit! Where did all these rotten vegetables come from?!**


Anyway...


Despite losing their opening series for the 5th straight time in a row, the fellas at my favorite recap site South Side Sox had a MS Paint face-off. Here are some of their works. Link to site to see the rest will be provided at the end of the exhibit.

First up: Andruw Jones
















Nice...

Next: JD 2010

























Sorry JD-I couldn't resist. You're unemployed and sitting at home while we're all playing baseball. If you wanted to keep playing, you shoulda took up that offer from the Cubs...

Batting third: BA and Southpaw



















I know, it's gay, but BA was fun while he was here in Chicago. The bars on Rush St. in Chicago loved it when he came. Your patronage will be missed (your playing, not so much!)

Hitting cleanup: a MODEST BHB pic of Gavin Floyd

















Not bad, eh?

Finally: Steve Stone "Pony"



















DO NOT BE ALARMED BY THIS DISTURBING PHOTO!! Steve Stone is a broadcaster for the Chicago White Sox, right alongside the famous Hawk Harrelson.

For more fun MS paint pix of the White Sox, go HERE

That's all for tonight folks!

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

come along with manny and jim as they continue their journey to reunite the 1997 cleveland indians in LA!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 4

Shared via AddThis

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 3

more fun with manny and jim

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 3

Shared via AddThis

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

more shenanigans from manny and jim thome!

featuring guest appearances from orel hersheiser and our favorite fatso, bartolo colon!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 2

Shared via AddThis

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

crazy ozzie

here's a comic i drew a year ago, but only now do i have access to a scanner, so here it is. i drew it in honor of a chicago sports cartoonist named carl skanberg, of whose "palehose" comic series i am a fan of.













sorry if the last image is too small. it's the front page of the chicago tribune, with ozzie being quotes as saying "guillen: mariotti is a f@g!"

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

manny and JI JIM THOME team up to win the world series!

The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now, Part 1

Shared via AddThis

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

bye bye jim and jose

the things coming out of my manager, kenny williams' head are getting crazier and crazier! someone oughtta start my GM back on his anti-OCD pills!

first, he practically ripped up the system to get diva jake peavy (who's now on the DL with elbow problems-nice going kenny!), then he got alex rios and mark kotsay, now in perhaps the biggest shocker of the year, jose contreras gets traded to the rockies, and

JI

JIM THOME

(if you read my "dugout" links that i post up here, that is how jim thome announces his arrival at the chatroom)

got traded to the los angeles dodgers! yes, you read that right! big jim thome has gone to LA. since LA is obviously gonna make the playoffs, big jim's chance of getting a world series ring before he retires is greater out there than back here in chi-town. what the dodgers plan to do with jim, since he's too old to really do anything, remains to be seen. i wasn't too surprised about contreras leaving, since he's pretty much done for, but i was shocked that jim would leave us.

in light of this shocking trade, i'd like to say thank you to jim and jose. though you've both seen better days, i'd like to thank you for your years of service and may you find success in your new cities of employment.

in a fitting tribute on southside sox, user madopal had this to say:

JI
JIM,
ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW YOUR ACTIONS INADVERTENTLY RUINED THE DAY OF RENOWNED OPERA SINGER ENRICO PALLAZZO

YOU WILL BE MIST, YOU BIG TATER.

and in reply, user boejouma replied:

IM AFRAID THE DAMAGE IS QUITE SEVERE
to all of our hearts

goodbye everyone. ps-sox lose yet again. we're now 6 games back. what a miserable season this turned out to be.

GO WHITE SOX!!!

tamtam

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

psychology and the chicago white sox.

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

Shared via AddThis

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

2010 pie

fresh from southside sox. this little ditty (ripped off from "american pie") pretty much sums up our whole season

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember How spring training used to make me smile.
And I knew the boys had a chance
To make it to the Autumn Dance
And, maybe, stick around for a while.

But late August made me shiver
With every loss they delivered.
Bad news on the front page;
No more hope at this stage.
I laughed so hard I almost cried
When I read the dumb shit about pride,
Turned off the games and went outside
The day the season died.

So bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye.
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Did you think we'd rise above,
And did you have faith in Fields' glove,
Because Cora tells you so?
Do you believe who they put out,
Goggles, The Bridge, all those shut outs,
And poor Q! limping off the field real slow?

Well, there was the Colon experiment,
We all know how awesome that went.
Him and the Count just shat the bed,
How many innings will DJ get?

We called up a Georgia broncin buck
Tore the stitches off after initial suck,
But even He couldn't save this clusterfuck
The day the season died.

I started singin "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Now last year we got the Central crown
Stood to repeat since the rest are down,
But it just wasn't meant to be.
When you trot out Gobble, Broadway, and Nessie,
Plus Linebrink shits bricks for all to see,
At least there was perfection from Buehrle...

Oh, and then The Ace got knocked around,
After another seventeen sat down.
Danks' shakiness returned,
Was shutdown or got burned.
And while Floyd's been solid down the stretch,
There were points where he'd make you wretch,
Wise ensured legacy with The Catch.
But still, the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Defense melted in a summer swelter,
Bullpen giving up bombs; better seek shelter,
Just two back then falling fast.
Last games on dome's fake-ass grass
The old guys tried for one last gasp,
People shout to stop living in the past.

Now the trade deadline was taken shrewd,
We locked up Peavy and that Rios dude.
We want to go to The Dance,
Oh, but we screw up every chance!
'cause the facepalm lineups take the field;
Runners the pitching would always yield.
Errors galore, their fate was sealed.
The day the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Oh, for the day they were in first place,
Instead of Pods out there with bad breaks
With no time left to start again.
So come on: Pods be nimble, Pods be quick!
Pods picked off like a dumb prick
Cause the devil's gonna collect, my friend.

Oh, and Ozzie kept Alex in a cage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No snowball's chance in hell
Could break the doghouse spell.
And as Sox fans argue into the night
About when Peavy's start is right,
The offense loses all its fight
The day the season died.

They were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Next year we'll get a healthy Q!,
A Savior with less defense miscues,
Some contracts will be turned away.
A shakeup in the lineup core
Can't play the same guys as years before,
No sense paying them for declining play.

And on the nets: commenters screamed,
The kittehs cried, dumb statements reamed.
The right rail was a joke and
"No subject lines" verboten.
And the one guy that I like most:
Sat at home, bored, career is toast.
Sign Frank so he ends as a Pale Hose
Now that the season's died.

And we'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

We'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

indeed, what a miserable season it was.
GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

why your stadium sucks-US cellular field edition

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Checking in With Barry

since im still in a vacation-mood, i thought i'd post this amusing article from the back page of "sports illustrated". this piece was written by chris ballard.


TO: Baseball fans and media
FROM: Barry Bonds

Remember me? Dude who gave you 762 free souvenirs and never once got thanked? Dude who embarrassed National League pitchers for two decades, put up the most ridiculous numbers in baseball history and won seven MVP awards? Time was, you respected me. Some of you even loved me.

Until you hated me. So I didn't smile and sign every little kid's T-shirt. So I ignored a teammate or two. So I blew off reporters—hey, they were just going to make stuff up anyway. And yeah, so I took some of the Clear. O.K., maybe I took enough to put a horse in a coma, but what's the difference? Point is, I could play the game. Play it like no one else. Ever.

None of that mattered, though. You called me a cheater and said it all had to go—the respect, the records, even the chance to play. Come on, two years ago I put up a 1.045 OPS. You're telling me no team could have used that kind of talent last season? Know how many hitters have an OPS that high right now? (Yeah, you bet I keep up.) That's right: one. Your boy Albert Pujols—or as my friends call him, the Last Great Clean Hope (Until He Isn't). But me? I sat and waited for a phone call that never came, unless it was my lawyers wanting to talk about that annoying perjury case.

Teams thought I'd be a p.r. nightmare. A locker room problem. That I was old and grumpy and couldn't field. Hell, Adam Dunn is young and grumpy and can't field, and the Nationals signed him for 10 mil a year. But no, I was the Great Steroid Pariah. Yeah, you're damn right I know what that word means.

So I have to ask: What do you think of me now? Come on, let's go down the list together of all the big names linked to performance-enhancing drugs: McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, A-Rod, Manny and now Big Papi. You people love Big Papi. Can't get enough of him. But wasn't it obvious his numbers were bogus? Dude used to be a scrub. Then at 27 he suddenly turns into Reggie freaking Jackson? He went from hitting 20 home runs a season to 54! But none of you noticed because you were all talking about my hat size, and besides, David Ortiz didn't look like a user. He was too goofy, too soft and—let's be honest—too fat. It was like saying Santa Claus was on the juice.

So how are you going to treat Papi now? Will you boo him and throw syringes on the field like you did to me? Are you going to sic Pedro Gomez on him? Because if so, can you get on that sooner rather than later? The guy's still camping out on my porch. I'm not joking. I can see him through the curtains right now.

While we're at it, just what price has Manny paid? Let's see: a 50-game suspension and then ... what? More love from you guys. Just last week some joker from a Long Beach paper went on about how great Manny was because when he approached Manny for an interview and mentioned Armenian food, Manny said the two of them should go out for Armenian sometime and gave him his number. Hello! I love Armenian food. Are you telling me all it takes to change your opinion is sharing some tas kebab? Are you people really that shallow?

Wait, don't answer that. Go on hating me. It's cool. I still have my trial, and I need to finish patching things up with my wife now that we're no longer getting a divorce—despite that big-mouth girlfriend of mine. And of course I need time to work on my Hall of Fame acceptance speech—that is, if I decide you all deserve to hear one.

And think about this: Only seven of the 104 names on that master list of juicers have come out. That means there are nearly one hundred still to drop, and that's just from that one round of testing six years ago. Jose Canseco says there's a 95% chance anyone who played in the last 20 years was using something, and even though he's a total nut job who I'd probably hit in the face with a bat if I saw him in a back alley, dude does seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to cheating.

So here's what I'm asking. As each new name comes out and you guys all care less and forgive quicker because you just want to move on already, think about me for a second. You know, the guy you singled out among an invisible crowd of hundreds of players, the guy who took all your anger for all those years and never let it break him. And ask yourself this: What if I'd been a nice guy? What if I'd smiled at the crowds and had a cute nickname like Big Bappi and took all of you out for Armenian food? And what if you just found out I'd been on the juice—well, what would you think of me then? Would I still be public enemy No. 1? Or would you feel different? Because I'm thinking you would.

I'm thinking that right about now you're feeling bad about how you treated me. I'm thinking maybe you'd like to apologize.

Not that I care, of course. No, not at all.

and in final business notes, my boys have added yet another player to their seemingly endless aquisitions of players: rightfielder alex rios from toronto. looks like this is it for JD. goodbye buddy, you've served your time well.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

bobby cox and charlie manual play abbot and costello with this comedic exchange!


The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

Shared via AddThis

all-star break

*cartoon courtesy of carl skanberg*

since those damn twinkies took 2/3. since tomorrow is the 80th all-star game (to which our lone ace, mark buehrle, was voted), i figured that i'd close out the rollercoaster first half of the season with a bit of humor from the vault.

but in the meantime, me and all bloggers (official and amateur) of the white sox nation would like to extend our best wishes to mark buehrle for a successful outing tomorrow.

now, to the good stuff :)

"the dugout" is a website that i enjoy visiting frequently. basically, its a fake "chatroom" where MLB players are given wacky screen names and sportswriters with a sense of humor write fake IMs to total a hilarious read every time. unfortunately, the website will not allow me to post here on blogger, but i will post the links to my 2 favorite white sox's chat sessions so you can read them and laugh.

The White Sox's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Magic Shoes

GO WHITE SOX!!!

tamtam

jim leyland not smoking

i forgot one last picture from last night!

this is detroit tigers manager, the notorious chain-smoking jim leyland. i guess he's gettin' serious about trying to quit smoking, so to get his mind off the cigarette cravings, he's taken to levitating balls instead whenever the nicotine itch strikes him. the more the craving, the stonger the force, and thus the higher the ball. may the force be with you.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam