bye bye jim and jose

the things coming out of my manager, kenny williams' head are getting crazier and crazier! someone oughtta start my GM back on his anti-OCD pills!

first, he practically ripped up the system to get diva jake peavy (who's now on the DL with elbow problems-nice going kenny!), then he got alex rios and mark kotsay, now in perhaps the biggest shocker of the year, jose contreras gets traded to the rockies, and

JI

JIM THOME

(if you read my "dugout" links that i post up here, that is how jim thome announces his arrival at the chatroom)

got traded to the los angeles dodgers! yes, you read that right! big jim thome has gone to LA. since LA is obviously gonna make the playoffs, big jim's chance of getting a world series ring before he retires is greater out there than back here in chi-town. what the dodgers plan to do with jim, since he's too old to really do anything, remains to be seen. i wasn't too surprised about contreras leaving, since he's pretty much done for, but i was shocked that jim would leave us.

in light of this shocking trade, i'd like to say thank you to jim and jose. though you've both seen better days, i'd like to thank you for your years of service and may you find success in your new cities of employment.

in a fitting tribute on southside sox, user madopal had this to say:

JI
JIM,
ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW YOUR ACTIONS INADVERTENTLY RUINED THE DAY OF RENOWNED OPERA SINGER ENRICO PALLAZZO

YOU WILL BE MIST, YOU BIG TATER.

and in reply, user boejouma replied:

IM AFRAID THE DAMAGE IS QUITE SEVERE
to all of our hearts

goodbye everyone. ps-sox lose yet again. we're now 6 games back. what a miserable season this turned out to be.

GO WHITE SOX!!!

tamtam

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

psychology and the chicago white sox.

The Dugout: Always Look On The South Side Of Life

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GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

2010 pie

fresh from southside sox. this little ditty (ripped off from "american pie") pretty much sums up our whole season

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember How spring training used to make me smile.
And I knew the boys had a chance
To make it to the Autumn Dance
And, maybe, stick around for a while.

But late August made me shiver
With every loss they delivered.
Bad news on the front page;
No more hope at this stage.
I laughed so hard I almost cried
When I read the dumb shit about pride,
Turned off the games and went outside
The day the season died.

So bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye.
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Did you think we'd rise above,
And did you have faith in Fields' glove,
Because Cora tells you so?
Do you believe who they put out,
Goggles, The Bridge, all those shut outs,
And poor Q! limping off the field real slow?

Well, there was the Colon experiment,
We all know how awesome that went.
Him and the Count just shat the bed,
How many innings will DJ get?

We called up a Georgia broncin buck
Tore the stitches off after initial suck,
But even He couldn't save this clusterfuck
The day the season died.

I started singin "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Now last year we got the Central crown
Stood to repeat since the rest are down,
But it just wasn't meant to be.
When you trot out Gobble, Broadway, and Nessie,
Plus Linebrink shits bricks for all to see,
At least there was perfection from Buehrle...

Oh, and then The Ace got knocked around,
After another seventeen sat down.
Danks' shakiness returned,
Was shutdown or got burned.
And while Floyd's been solid down the stretch,
There were points where he'd make you wretch,
Wise ensured legacy with The Catch.
But still, the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Defense melted in a summer swelter,
Bullpen giving up bombs; better seek shelter,
Just two back then falling fast.
Last games on dome's fake-ass grass
The old guys tried for one last gasp,
People shout to stop living in the past.

Now the trade deadline was taken shrewd,
We locked up Peavy and that Rios dude.
We want to go to The Dance,
Oh, but we screw up every chance!
'cause the facepalm lineups take the field;
Runners the pitching would always yield.
Errors galore, their fate was sealed.
The day the season died.

We were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Oh, for the day they were in first place,
Instead of Pods out there with bad breaks
With no time left to start again.
So come on: Pods be nimble, Pods be quick!
Pods picked off like a dumb prick
Cause the devil's gonna collect, my friend.

Oh, and Ozzie kept Alex in a cage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No snowball's chance in hell
Could break the doghouse spell.
And as Sox fans argue into the night
About when Peavy's start is right,
The offense loses all its fight
The day the season died.

They were singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

Next year we'll get a healthy Q!,
A Savior with less defense miscues,
Some contracts will be turned away.
A shakeup in the lineup core
Can't play the same guys as years before,
No sense paying them for declining play.

And on the nets: commenters screamed,
The kittehs cried, dumb statements reamed.
The right rail was a joke and
"No subject lines" verboten.
And the one guy that I like most:
Sat at home, bored, career is toast.
Sign Frank so he ends as a Pale Hose
Now that the season's died.

And we'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

We'll be singing, "Bye-bye, Count, Thome, and Dye."
See you later alligator,
We'll call up young and cheap guys.
Sign scrap heap fodder Kenny pulls out his backside
Saying, "this'll be the team that gets pie."
"this'll be the team that gets pie."

indeed, what a miserable season it was.
GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: Jim Passes Reggie

our favorite chatman jim "wordupthome" thome surpasses reggie jackson on the home run list! more to come on this later!

in the meantime, enjoy the dugout

The Dugout: Jim Passes Reggie

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GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

why your stadium sucks-US cellular field edition

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crucial updates

despite my long absence, there are some crucial updates to be made:

1. i have been granted an opportunity to contribute to a popular baseball blog. the editors of "more hardball", gm_carson and burton, have invited me to contribute articles to their blog. since theirs is an all-around baseball blog, i can't do the in-depth analysis of my white sox that i normally engage in over here at cell's bells. however, i can contribute some of my more quirky items, like "the dugout" (which hasn't been working since i've returned from vacation), and random quotes by my loudmouth manager ozzie, the latter of which should prove useful talking materials.

my point is, do not fear that i will abandon cell's bells. i will continue to post enteries here, but now you can catch me elsewhere.

2. the entire reason for this blog's existance: THE WHITE SOX!!! i've all but neglected them!

things have not been well for my boys in black-and-white as of late. they played well against the angels while i was in CA, but upon arriving home, things just dropped off. though john danks pitched the game of his career against seattle on tuesday, and got the win, but they split the series with the mariners. today, they played the As. contreras was due to pitch today, and did, but blew a 6-run lead. last i checked the As and sox were tied at 7 in the bottom of the 8th. since mark kotsay used to play for the As, i wonder if they gave him a happy homecoming.

in light of jose contreras' return to rock-bottom, i wonder when diva jake peavy is due to begin pitching for us...

thats all for now. i returned an hour ago from the dodgers-diamondbacks game here in AZ. d-backs won and dan haren pitched very well. so well, he had the balls to hit andre ethier with manny ramirez coming up in the 7th. both men got out. the snakes lit up starter clayton kershaw in the 2nd, putting on 4 straight runs. if they'd scored 2 more, the taco bells down here in AZ would have given away 3 free tacos with the purchase of a large drink and showing your ticket stub. but alas it was not to be. you could smell the tacos, but the taco bell was closed :(.

as for that diva manny, chase field got especially noisy when he came up to bat. i booed, LA fans cheered. its a damn shame manny had to get busted for taking HCG, cuz i really think he would have looked nice with the boobs he aquired from using that hormone. it would work well with his disgusting dreadlocks.

and despite the obnoxiousness of dodger fans, todays game was a reminder as to why i love baseball so much. there was great pitching, spectacular catches, a defense that knew what it was doing, steals that required balls of steel to pull off, a charged atmosphere, and the fans behaved themselves for the most part.

thats all for tonight.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

Checking in With Barry

since im still in a vacation-mood, i thought i'd post this amusing article from the back page of "sports illustrated". this piece was written by chris ballard.


TO: Baseball fans and media
FROM: Barry Bonds

Remember me? Dude who gave you 762 free souvenirs and never once got thanked? Dude who embarrassed National League pitchers for two decades, put up the most ridiculous numbers in baseball history and won seven MVP awards? Time was, you respected me. Some of you even loved me.

Until you hated me. So I didn't smile and sign every little kid's T-shirt. So I ignored a teammate or two. So I blew off reporters—hey, they were just going to make stuff up anyway. And yeah, so I took some of the Clear. O.K., maybe I took enough to put a horse in a coma, but what's the difference? Point is, I could play the game. Play it like no one else. Ever.

None of that mattered, though. You called me a cheater and said it all had to go—the respect, the records, even the chance to play. Come on, two years ago I put up a 1.045 OPS. You're telling me no team could have used that kind of talent last season? Know how many hitters have an OPS that high right now? (Yeah, you bet I keep up.) That's right: one. Your boy Albert Pujols—or as my friends call him, the Last Great Clean Hope (Until He Isn't). But me? I sat and waited for a phone call that never came, unless it was my lawyers wanting to talk about that annoying perjury case.

Teams thought I'd be a p.r. nightmare. A locker room problem. That I was old and grumpy and couldn't field. Hell, Adam Dunn is young and grumpy and can't field, and the Nationals signed him for 10 mil a year. But no, I was the Great Steroid Pariah. Yeah, you're damn right I know what that word means.

So I have to ask: What do you think of me now? Come on, let's go down the list together of all the big names linked to performance-enhancing drugs: McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, A-Rod, Manny and now Big Papi. You people love Big Papi. Can't get enough of him. But wasn't it obvious his numbers were bogus? Dude used to be a scrub. Then at 27 he suddenly turns into Reggie freaking Jackson? He went from hitting 20 home runs a season to 54! But none of you noticed because you were all talking about my hat size, and besides, David Ortiz didn't look like a user. He was too goofy, too soft and—let's be honest—too fat. It was like saying Santa Claus was on the juice.

So how are you going to treat Papi now? Will you boo him and throw syringes on the field like you did to me? Are you going to sic Pedro Gomez on him? Because if so, can you get on that sooner rather than later? The guy's still camping out on my porch. I'm not joking. I can see him through the curtains right now.

While we're at it, just what price has Manny paid? Let's see: a 50-game suspension and then ... what? More love from you guys. Just last week some joker from a Long Beach paper went on about how great Manny was because when he approached Manny for an interview and mentioned Armenian food, Manny said the two of them should go out for Armenian sometime and gave him his number. Hello! I love Armenian food. Are you telling me all it takes to change your opinion is sharing some tas kebab? Are you people really that shallow?

Wait, don't answer that. Go on hating me. It's cool. I still have my trial, and I need to finish patching things up with my wife now that we're no longer getting a divorce—despite that big-mouth girlfriend of mine. And of course I need time to work on my Hall of Fame acceptance speech—that is, if I decide you all deserve to hear one.

And think about this: Only seven of the 104 names on that master list of juicers have come out. That means there are nearly one hundred still to drop, and that's just from that one round of testing six years ago. Jose Canseco says there's a 95% chance anyone who played in the last 20 years was using something, and even though he's a total nut job who I'd probably hit in the face with a bat if I saw him in a back alley, dude does seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to cheating.

So here's what I'm asking. As each new name comes out and you guys all care less and forgive quicker because you just want to move on already, think about me for a second. You know, the guy you singled out among an invisible crowd of hundreds of players, the guy who took all your anger for all those years and never let it break him. And ask yourself this: What if I'd been a nice guy? What if I'd smiled at the crowds and had a cute nickname like Big Bappi and took all of you out for Armenian food? And what if you just found out I'd been on the juice—well, what would you think of me then? Would I still be public enemy No. 1? Or would you feel different? Because I'm thinking you would.

I'm thinking that right about now you're feeling bad about how you treated me. I'm thinking maybe you'd like to apologize.

Not that I care, of course. No, not at all.

and in final business notes, my boys have added yet another player to their seemingly endless aquisitions of players: rightfielder alex rios from toronto. looks like this is it for JD. goodbye buddy, you've served your time well.

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam

The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

bobby cox and charlie manual play abbot and costello with this comedic exchange!


The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition

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BOOYAH!!!

yet another busy week in white sox nation!

first the trade deadline was this week, and in a shocking twist, my gm kenny williams picked up journeyman mark kotsay, AND san diego diva jake peavy! yes, you read that right! jake peavy has come to the white sox! it took 3 different tries, a bunch of minor-league players, and 1 pissed off pitcher before that diva finally agreed to come. now comes the performance-peavy has to prove that for all the trouble it took to get him here, he's not a bust. if peavy turns out to be a bust, then kenny's got alot to answer for.

my dad was telling me that the reason peavy came over was so that kenny could get rid of jermaine "JD" dye. but in last night's game, i saw JD sitting in the dugout next to ozzie. i guess that rumor was false. but still, you can never have enough aces.

speaking of last night's game, my sox had the game of the week by ass-raping the yankees 10-5. in a strange twist of the lineup, dj "tabasco" carrasco got the call to start instead of gavin floyd (who's pitching tomorrow). john danks started thursday and won, so yesterday would have been BHB. anyway, carrasco got off to a bit of a rough start by giving up 3 runs to the yankees in the 1st. but in a happy turn of events, the sox roared back, putting up 1 run in the 1st, 2 in the 2nd, 2 more in the 5th, and after the yankees tied it up in the 5th, my boys in black-and-white unleashed a torrent of runs in the 7th-tacking on 5 more.

indeed, the 7th inning was what sealed the yankees doom. ozzie ordered a double steal in which jayson nix stole home and chris getz stole 2nd. then, we just lit up the pitcher, hitting small ball but piling on the runs. posada, the yankees' nail-painting catcher, couldn't catch anything that came his way from the infield. as a joke, my brother told me that i should play for the yankees, since i would make a better catcher then posada, and i'm relatively inexperianced.

has my boy carlos been on a hot streak or what? he hit a home run in MN, and hit another home run yesterday. my boy also hit some RBI doubles, and caught the game-sealing popout.

dustmop bobby jenks was nowhere to be seen. my dad told me that he's been out sick, so linebrink closed the game out in place of him.

my dad told me that raping the yankees like this was the best thing to do, cuz the yankees spent so much money to get all these guys, and most of them have been ok-not the best, just ok. it's more of a revenge thing. it appears that it's a birthright for almost anyone born outside of new york to hate the yankees. that whole AL east is so overrated.

tomorrow i'm heading off to california with my uncle and brother! my uncle promised to take us to LA for vacation, so we're going tomorrow and staying for a week. i'm really looking forward to this trip, but i won't be able to write for a week cuz im not bringing my computer. its just too much of a hassle to crate along.

bye everyone! i'll write when i get back from LA!

GO WHITE SOX!!!
tamtam