Friday, April 29, 2011

Yer Out!

April has been a terrible month for the White Sox.

We've traded places with the Cleveland Indians as being the new cellar-dwellers of the AL Central (who'da seen THAT coming?), and now Ozzie has been suspended for-what else-something he said on Twitter.

As I've said before, Ozzie and Twitter are a match made in hell if you're Kenny Williams and the White Sox PR department.

What happened was that during the first inning of the Sox-Yankees game on Wednesday, Paul Konerko was called out on strikes, and Ozzie didn't like that. He thought the ref got the call wrong (he was right, by the way). Ozzie went out to argue the call, got into a fight with the ref, and promptly got tossed.

But that's only the beginning. After being tossed, in a bit of foreshadowing for what was to come from the MLB brass, Ozzie wrote on Twitter "This one going to cost me a lot money this is patetic" . He then took a shot at the ref who tossed him by writing "Today a tough guy show up a yankee stadium". I'm no mind-reader, but I'm willing to bet that it was this last tweet that got Ozzie suspended. Also, apparently, it's against the rules for a manager or player to go on social media during a game.

(Cartoon by Carl Skanberg)

Now Ozzie won't be gone from the game long-just 2 games will suffice-but he's gonna miss the first 2 games back home in Chicago against the Orioles. I've also read that he's been hit with a stiff fine too, but I don't know if it's true cuz I haven't seen any money amount listed.

Hopefully, May will be the start of a Sox turnaround.

Before I sign off for the night, let me just say that I was surprised to see Bartolo Colon still pitching. I thought he'd all but dropped off the map after the Sox let him go. Maybe the clubhouse buffet table in New York was too good to refuse.

Ahh, the memories of poking at the pitcher I lovingly used to call "Fatso".


Thursday, April 14, 2011


So I'm sure you've all heard by now, but the Sox blew it in the 10th last night in the last game against the A's.


This has been an incredibly grating series. Not only have the games been going into extra innings, but the reason they've been going into extra innings is because the bullpen's been giving out.

In the 9th, Ozzie went and visited the mound several times in the same inning (though to his credit, he did manage to manipulate a loophole to a rule in the baseball rule book that I'm pretty sure nobody knew was there), and changed the pitchers so frequently, he made Cardinals skipper Tony La Russa look like he knew his shit (he's (in)famous for changing his pitchers frequently). And at this point, I'm sure La Russa DOES know his shit better than Ozzie! And that's just shameful.

Over the last three games, our bullpen has been hemorrhaging runs like a hemophiliac with a missing limb. 5 runs were given up over the course of this 3-game series, and the Sox are up to their 6th blown save this year. We have no decent setup men, and our closer is nonexistent.

Naturally, Ozzie didn't take this situation too well(hopefully, the video shows up):

So now that our bullpen's falling apart, what do we do?

Well, Oz-n'-Coop better start working their current pitchers, or have Kenny send the scouts out to pay the minors a visit, cuz this can't go on any further. Even an idiot who knows nothing about baseball knows that you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning the World Series if you're bullpen is imploding!

You know something? In spite of his assery, I miss Bobby Jenks. At least he was a consistent closer (even though he was starting to fall off the cliff in 2010).

(Cartoon by Carl Skanberg)

Yep. Somewhere, that dustmop is watching his ex-team implode, and is laughing his ass off.

Yeah, yeah. Laugh on, you fat dustmop.

Tomorrow we're playing the Angels at home. Will things finally click for us in this series? Stay tuned!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


The series with the A's would have been off to a kicker start on Monday, given how strong Mark Buehrle had been pitching (he had a no-hitter going till the 6th!), but none other than Juan "Pierror" Pierre had to bumble a catch and lose the game in extra innings. A's: 2, Sox: 1 in 10 innings.

Today, both the Sox and Pierre had a better game. In fact, Alexei "the Cuban Missile" Ramirez, knocked in a solo home run with 2 outs in the bottom of the 10th to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat from the A's! Karma's a bitch, isn't it?!

Rumors have it that Ozzie's job is on the line. Personally, I don't see this rumor having any sort of backbone to it. Kenny would never let his most precious asset go away like that. In spite of his Harvard degree, canning Ozzie would forever net Kenny this title in Chicago:

Surely my GM is PR-savvy enough to know not to pull off such a move and not expect some sort of blowback.

Besides, if Ozzie got canned, Kenny should expect to feel the wrath of Oney Guillen, Ozzie's son. Oney is notorious for criticizing his dad's players, and more than once, it got his dad in trouble.

(Cartoon courtesy of Carl Skanberg, my favorite White Sox cartoonist)

But hey, should Ozzie become unemployed, it'll give him more time to teach Oney how to blast people effectively on Twitter.

Game 3's tomorrow! Sit back, relax, and strap it down; White Sox baseball is on its way in approximately 24 hours.


**EDITORS NOTE: The nickname "Pierror" first appeared on "South Side Sox"

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Ozzie Sleeps Tonight

We won! Finally, we won that damn series against the Rays once and for all! Gavin Floyd and his Big Hairy Balls pitched well, giving up a run in the 6th, and Joe Maddon got ejected after arguing with the ref.

Maddon, I've got some advice for you: if you got a beef with a ref, leave that to the pros, like Bobby Cox!

In scanning the series summaries, I came across this hilarious article on CSN Chicago.

Mere hours after frustratingly suggesting that he blow the ballpark up rather than send out another pitcher to blow a save, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was eager to see how his team would respond to Friday’s disheartening turn of events.

Though I wouldn't go so far as to suggest blowing up the Cell in order to make my point, I do realize that this is Ozzie Guillen talking, and when he opens his mouth, you just never know whats gonna come out.

“There aren’t too many games I can’t sleep,” Guillen said. “I promised my wife, ‘Listen, I’m not going to drink too much anymore. The season just started.’ [So] I had one drink. [Losses are] part of the game.”


And while you're at it:

“If I’m going to come here with my down, ‘Look what happened last night’ [look], I’m going to suck all my team in,” Guillen said. “No. [Instead my attitude should be] ‘Hey, are we ready to fight today?’ If we lose today, we have to be ready to fight tomorrow. If we lose [while] fighting, I can sleep with that, I can live with that.”

Ok, but that's not the kicker.

So, how did Ozzie sleep last night?

“I slept like a baby: I woke up every two hours and started crying.”

*cymbal crash*

Ladies and germs, Ozzie Guillen.

So, looking ahead to next week, the A's are coming up. I smell a sweep!


Saturday, April 9, 2011


We won! And we have my catcher AJ Pierzynski to thank for that!

Here's how the situation went down: In the bottom of the 7th, and the Sox had the bases loaded. Alex Rios was on 3rd, Paul Konerko was on 2nd, and my boy Carlos Quentin was on 1st, having been walked. AJ gets up to bat, and rips one out to the wall, avoiding the glove of Sam Fuld (who had an amazing catch earlier on in the game). The game, which had been tied 1-1 at that point, swung in favor of the Sox with Rios and Konerko coming in to score. The Sox managed to hold on to that lead for the rest of the game (even after Chris Sale gave up a solo shot to Felipe Lopez in the top of the 9th).

Pitcher Phil Humber got the call to start today. He did pretty good, giving up 1 run in the 1st, but only 4 hits and 4 K's over 6 innings. I'll say, if Peavy ever gets better, he's got some stiff competition from the new guy.

There was a bit of a scuffle in the 9th after Lopez hit his solo home run. He and AJ got into a jaw-off and had to be separated, but no fights broke out. Aw damn. It would have made my multitasking so much more interesting, as I was writing a paper and watching baseball at the same time.

Before I sign off, I mentioned earlier that Sam Fuld had an amazing catch in the game. Below, I've included it for your enjoyment. Though I don't like the Rays, I had to admire Fuld's scrappiness. He really hustled to get there, and his athleticism even elicited a borderline curse from Hawk!

**EDITOR'S NOTE: This video is from Tampa Bay. You won't get to hear Hawk yell "You gotta be bleepin' me!"**

Tomorrow's the final game of this series. Let's win this damn series once and for all!


Eaten Alive

Unfortunately, we could not keep the momentum going from last night.

Today, my boys in black-and-white coughed it up in the 9th inning after Matt Thornton gave up 5 runs to give the Rays the game. You PUTZ! Don't ever let yourself be outshined by Rays closer, and MLB journeyman Kyle Farnsworth (who I detested even in my youth as a Cubs fan cuz he would choke on the mound all the time). Especially him, cuz he can't aim for shit.

I'm sure everyone and their cousin has heard by now that the lady himself, Manny Ramirez, will be retiring from baseball. What I don't know if he's leaving baseball immediately, or if he's waiting for the season to end before throwing in the towel once and for all, but it is confirmed that Manny will be leaving baseball. To him I say "good riddance!". You were good with the Red Sox, but if you hadn't started dicking around with Theo Epstein and the Red Sox' upper-management, perhaps the city of Boston would not be as bitter towards you as they are now. Also, you could have helped win them some more championships, and I would have a better impression of you. Also, using steroids damaged your reputation, as I now think of a set of DD boobs whenever I see you with your disgusting dreadlocks on TV.

The big question regarding Manny's retiring is what to make of his legacy. I say, his career followed the arc of a home run. He started off slow, shot to the top, stayed there, but had to come down and eventually crashed into somebody's beer and nachos. Getting caught with female pregnancy hormones in his system really did a number on his career, both as a player, and socially cuz it turned him into a national punchline.

Before I sign off on this post, I'd like to post a funny video I saw on Terez Owens. I could give a summary of the video, but then you wouldn't want to watch it. I want you to watch this video. It's not lifesaving, but it's funny nonetheless.


Tomorrow is game 3 against the Rays. Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Back to Business

And with that, the 2011 season is in full-swing.

It's been a pretty good, no, a DAMN good start to the 2011 season for my boys in black-and-white. We won on Opening Day, giving the Indians a thorough throttling and winning our first series of the season.

Unfortunately, we also split with KC, but that's ok-new series, new start!

Today was the home opener, and Edwin Jackson gave a spectacular performance by going 8 innings, 13 Ks, and 1 walk. It was the highlight to a chilly, cloudy day in Chicago. The Rays, on the other hand, only managed 1 run in the 3rd inning, and after that, they were completely shut down by Jackson's devastating slider. And in a shocking twist of fate, the once mighty Rays are now 0-6. Suck on that, you ESPN snobs!

But perhaps the best news of all involves none other than my favorite player, the one and only Carlos Quentin. He's been on fire for the past few games, knocking in home runs and RBIs left and right.

I knew it! Carlos was just waiting to explode in productivity if given the right conditions! Now that he's healthy, he's unstoppable-just like in 2008 when I first saw him play. Also on a positive note-as far as I know, he hasn't been hit by a pitch yet!

If my boy keeps this up, he'll be an MVP, hands down. And who knows, if he becomes an MVP, maybe Kenny will finally sign him to that long-term contract.

(Cartoon courtesy of Carl Skanberg)

Tomorrow is day 2 of the series with the Gays. Expect another ass-whuppin', courtesy of John Danks-the Miracle Man.

On a more serious note, Adam "Ding Fries are Dunn" is still out, recovering from his appendectomy, but is expected to return soon-likely Friday. While I'm glad to know that Dunn is almost recovered, I'm a little concerned because we paid an arm and a leg for this crystal chandelier! I remember when my dad told me that we'd re-signed Dunn, and I proceeded to ask if Kenny had finally gone bonkers. As far as I was concerned, Adam Dunn was too old and too useless cuz he couldn't play anything else except DH, and we already had a whole slew of DHs. Anybody with any sliver of business sense knows that its unwise to invest in something that's spent to the point of no return.


Tough as it may be sometimes, I trust my GM. And my manager, Ozzie, no matter how much of a headache he gives the PR Department.

In honor of my favorite player's hot start, here's a commercial from 2009, showing off his sweet hitting skills. Enjoy!


Friday, March 25, 2011

A Match Made in Hell

Opening Day is just around the corner-that means baseball 24/7, Es-pun pundits and their view from the nostrils of Derek Jeter and Manny Ramirez, and ever more outrageous Twitter comments from my crazy manager, Ozzie Guillen.

Ozzie and Twitter-a match made in Heaven (or Hell, if you're Kenny Williams and the White Sox PR department).

In this cartoon, I choose Hell.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ding Fries are Dunn

An original cartoon, inspired by a line in the following video, which was later parodied by "Family Guy":


News News News

I'm baaacccckkkkkk!!!! Guess you know what my New Years resolution is gonna be (hint: it involves spending more time blogging about the Sox).

Oh what a chaotic year its been. We brought in the disgustingly-dreadlocked Manny Ramirez in the second half of the season, and he was meh. We also did rather substandard (though not as bad as KC, Detroit, and Cleveland. Those guys REALLYsucked balls!). If there is a good sign in the end of this season, its that we finished in second place as opposed to last (*ahem* KC). Also, the Twins got wiped out of the playoffs in the first round, so that was some comfort and joy to us beleaguered Sox fans.

The offseason has been a rather busy one by any standard. When GM Kenny sees a player he likes, he wastes no time in getting the said player to come and sign with the Sox.

Take Adam Dunn, our most high-profile signing this offseason. Though he is known for his tater-mashing [basically, he hits alot of home runs], I was not sure if signing him was a good idea because Dunn can't play. He used to be a first baseman, but now all he can do is DH. The Sox already had 3 DHs (does the term "musical DH" sound familiar?), so I questioned Kenny's wisdom in acquiring another one. How useful Dunn is to us this year remains to be seen.

We also got rid of that fat dustmop, Bobby Jenks.

From what I'd been able to gather about the Sox, Jenks was really starting to stink up the place. Plus, he and Ozzie were engaged in a bitch-fight, both in person and on Twitter. I don't blame Ozzie for wanting him out. My manager's got already a difficult job to do, and he doesn't need a smartass harping on him all the time. If Ozzie wanted to hear harpies, he's got his kid's Twitter feed to follow.

In a bit of joyous news, my beloved Carlos Quentin got re-signed by the Sox.

$5.05 million for one more year, just avoiding arbitration. Also, one more year of me seeing my favorite player on my favorite team.

Also re-signed: Miracle Man John Danks ($6 million) and Tony Pena ($1.6 million)

In a bit of non Sox-related news: MLB's favorite shit-on-a-stick, Milton Bradley got arrested on a felony charge.

Apparently, he threatened some woman out in CA. Last I checked, Bradley is scheduled to be in court on Feb. 8. Given Bradley's psychotic personality and colorful history in baseball, I'm pretty sure he's kissed his entire MLB career goodbye.

Before I sign off on today's post, I would like to have a final say about the recent tragedy that took place in my city of Tucson, AZ, in which a deranged, drug-addicted young man opened fire on a crowd of people who had gathered in a grocery store parking lot to meet a local congresswoman. 20 people were injured, including the congresswoman (Gabrielle Giffords), and six people died, including a nine-year old girl. I mention the nine-year old girl, named Christina Taylor Green, because she had a connection to baseball, the sport I love so much. As it turns out, her grandfather, Dallas Green, was a manager for the Philadelphia Phillies and led them to a World Series victory in 1980. Christina Green's father was a scout for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the young girl herself played on the local Little League team out here in Tucson. What happened a week ago on Saturday was truly a tragic incident. May all those affected by this tragedy find ways to heal and overcome the pain from this incident.